Monday, February 3, 2014

Owning this month

When I think December is bad, I just remember "December has NOTHING on February"

December is hectic.  It's cold.  It's dark, but there are bright spots through the entire month.  

But February......It's a whole different animal.....

Last February, I said I was going to OWN this February.  I was going to plan, it was all going to fall into place, and THIS February, it was going to be mine.

Every morning, I look at the calendar and think, "I made it one more day".  We are going to get through February - then the rest of the year is going to fly.  But for the shortest month of the year, it's usually, the longest.

SO - this is what I'm doing DIFFERENT this February:

  • I'm running.  I ran 7 miles today.  It was 29 degrees when we stopped running.  I was sweating.  (One of those things as a girl born in Texas that I will NEVER understand!  (How can it be 29 degrees or heck, even -20, and I'm SWEATING?)
  • I'm on track to have several "starts" this month (in the recruiting world, I get paid when people start working).
  • I'm going to write - every day. Okay, maybe only every other day.  But they say exercise is THE best anti-depressant you can buy.  I'm betting doing anything you love comes in second.
  • I'm eating chips when I want to eat chips.  My choice of today was BBQ Lays.  (And now feel sick, but the handful was really good).
  • I'm planning.
  • I'm buying plane tickets for the future.  This February I don't have to run away.  (although, I still might).
  • I'm being the strong one
  • The dreamer
  • The believer.
I'm not the only one whom doesn't like February.  

There is group of us whom a February was very tragic.  It's gets a bit easier each year, but there are still moments that it seems like yesterday.

or

My "first son", the one whom was born when I was in college  - and I got to see in Oahu last summer called the other day.  He's still stationed in Hawaii.  "Aunt Leasa, instead of going home this summer, can I just come stay with you in Kona?"   Then later seeing a post on his Facebook page "Sorry, I can't do that this summer, I'm staying in Hawaii with my Aunt at her beach house"

or 

A sweet girl in California sending pictures from last summer.  Missing us.  Hating the "politics of high school". Wanting to plan our summer.

or 

Another sweet teenage girl still in Hawaii, wanting to know when we are getting back.  "There is JUST so much to tell"......

I didn't have the heart to tell any of them, "we have to find a different house this summer"

I guess we all get the February blues.  But this month, I'm going to own it.  I just need to breathe and tell my tribe to breathe too.  

We will make it through February.  I can hear the ocean telling me that now....

Sunday, February 2, 2014

What an idea

I'm on the elliptical this morning.  Exercise really does clear my head.

By the end of the 30 minutes, my head was clear and my body was smelly.  But here is what I was thinking during the workout:

"This is all okay.  Maybe we won't go back to Kona this summer.  We can go to another island?  There are many places in this WORLD we can go.  There are many other islands.  We can try a new place.  Or maybe we should go to Puerto Rico?  It's still in the states, I could still work, yet we still have the beach.  
Or maybe, let's road trip this summer.  We could leave Denver, head to Sedona (to see our former neighbor from Hawaii).  Stay in Sedona for a bit.  Head to California.  Stay with some friends out there.  Then head back through Vegas, then to Salt Lake City, then back to Denver.
Or maybe, we go back to Texas this summer.  We drive to Dallas, then head down to the beach with Carolyn and her daughter."

All this went through my mind.  Then I got off the elliptical.

The oxygen came back to brain.  Those all sound like HORRIBLE ideas.  We need to go home.  We will figure it out.

(I told both boys all my thoughts - they both answered the same way "Those are horrible ideas, Mom.  We need to home.")

I get it. I'm on it.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Falling

"I have 'fallen' through my entire life."

I said this to my running buddy the other day.  He replied, "What do you mean?" I replied, "I have FALLEN through my entire life.  I suddenly say I want to do something, then I make it happen.  I don't plan for years and years.  I just make it happen.  Then it happens."

Things for me happen backwards.

When I "plan and organize my life".  By that I mean, follow the schedule and plan everyone else needs us to follow - it doesn't work for me.  If I completely "upset the apple cart", well, it works for me.  The "I have no money, I'm out of shape, but I'm going to Paris and I'm going to run a marathon in 90 days."  Well, that works for me.  

Once you realize that your life works that way.  It works much better.....

 

Friday, January 31, 2014

The End of an Era

All good things must come to an end.  At least, that is what they tell us.

I've never believed it.  Why can't good things last?

Yes, we can't have that same "high" forever.  Things evolve.  The "shine" wears off.  It "dulls".

I agree.  I also disagree.

All good things don't end, they evolve.  They change.  If we are lucky, they change for the better. Sometimes, for the worse.  Or just not the greatest.

We are human.  It's okay.  Me?  Personally?  I think it's best when we understand things change and evolve, as we grow.

I'm a very lucky person.  I have friends I've known for over 20 years.  A few close to 30.  But the most remarkable thing about these friends?  They aren't my friends because of how long we have known each other, but more, we are incredible friends - it's just a bonus we have known each other this long.  I have great friends.

Why stay in a friendship just because of the history?  I stay, well, because, I'm a friend. I can tell you though, even if I've know someone for 30 years, they aren't my friend because of that.  It's because, we evolved together.

Sometimes, friendships change.  Sometime they end.

The house in Hawaii is for sale.

Of course it is.  Could this really last forever?

This part of the journey I didn't know I was on is coming to an end.  I'm not sure what to do.  I'm sad.  I'm okay, things change.

Sometimes, life takes you to a place you never thought you would end up.  Much less change your whole life.

I've been to the Valley.  The Island.  The Desert.  The Mountains. The Ocean.

All on one island.  And a million islands in between.

I'd like to be my optimistic self, because that is whom I really am, but this time, I feel a hole has been ripped from my soul.

Messages have already been put out to see if we can do something different.  Maybe it's time for something different.  I've heard there are a couple of other rooms available on the island.

Or maybe, the universe is telling me, I can make this happen in a different way.  Or I can walk away. I've had the tools the whole time....

This island had to teach me, some things are worth it all.....

Thursday, January 30, 2014

A weekend in Vail

Nothing like a weekend in Vail to restore your inner beauty.  Restore it in a way that makes you realize how you really SHOULD feel - on the inside and the outside.

My best friend came to town for the weekend.  A much over needed girls time.  No kids this time.  Although we did go to Duncan's hockey game and then to lunch with the boys.  Her daughter didn't come on this trip.

Just us.  Just like we were there through all these years.  Of course, now we are "more mature".  Oh yeah? Not to worry, we aren't believing it either.

We have our night out in Cherry Creek.  We sleep in.  We see the boys.

What are we doing now?  I don't know, what do you want to do?  Want to have dinner in Vail?  (it's about an hour and a half drive - on a clear dry day).

We can stay with Rob and Deb.  Or I can see if my running buddy is at his house?  (He wasn't there, but said we could stay at the house)

Okay, well, let's go.

We stay in the most incredible house, right on the creek in East Vail at the base of the mountain.  A picturesque scene from a movie.  And it turns out, my friend Rob actually designed, delivered and installed the kitchens, bathrooms and woodwork in the house.

We stayed out late.  We slept until noon.  We woke up to go out for lunch.

Then we went to the bar we always visit for Apres Ski (the one where one time we knocked on the window for them to let us in as it was closed for a private party.  More here).  Apres Ski (after ski) only you don't have to ski to show up during this time.

It's "high season" in Vail.  Great snow.  The places are crowded.  And well, how do we put this, this is the place "groups of guys" go on vacation.  If you think about it, you either have groups of guys on golf trips or ski trips.  I don't ever remember meeting a group of guys (over the age of 30) on a trip to the beach.

And then, the next thing you know, we are the most beautiful women in the bar.  Of course, we are the only women in the bar.   But, it doesn't matter.  Everyone has the ski adrenaline running.  The vacation vibe flowing through their veins.  Everyone is singing along to the piano singer like we were in a bar in college.  Father/son trips.  "Traditional trips" - the same guys have been coming to the valley for 20 years.  The stories are all the same.  Everyone is anonymous. (Yet, you are sitting with CEO's of companies, Firemen from NY and Oil riggers from Texas - and everything in between).  People are just being friendly, wonderful people. Reminding us how great life can be.

We've met some great people in Vail over the years.  They help you breathe.  This trip helped us learn things once again:
  • Vail looks just as pretty as it did 10 years ago, only we appreciate it more
  • People are generally friendly.  Everyone is having fun, and it's fun to be around fun people.
  • We don't go back to the house to change clothes once we've left.  So, if we leave the house, we better be prepared to stay out. (we knew that this time - we've learned that lesson)
  • Vail is really just Disneyland - for adults.  Only better.
  • It looks just like you expect it to look.
  • You aren't on VACATION - it's called "Vailcation"
  • We actually met a "Jimmy Cappuccino" Yes, that was his real name.  And the only true irony would really be if I married this guy and I lived on a Coffee Farm in Kona. I still wouldn't drink coffee. But what a great story - how can you not smile when you say I met "Jimmy Cappuccino"??
  • You are thankful for the fact that the Red Lion has bad lighting and guys still think we are in our 30's.
  • You appreciate Vail most when you are with your best friend.
  • The odds will always be good.  Just don't ever forget, the goods are still odd.
As we stumbled to the shuttle at the end of the evening for the ride back to our Vail house. We decided, in our next life, well, we are coming back as us.

Isn't that what a weekend is supposed to do for you?

Monday, January 20, 2014

Look how far you've come

Both my sons were in hockey tournaments over the weekend.  One was out of town.  One was in town.  

In the tournament world, you are "guaranteed" four games.  If your team does well, you proceed to the play-off game.  Then again, a championship game.  

I did not attend Nolan's games.  From Friday morning until Sunday morning, I attended four hockey games.  They won all of them.  I was then at the rink at 7am thing morning.  They won that game too.

Side note here:  I LOVE sports.  I love it all.  But, I'm like any parent, I'm glad they are winning, but well, losing, would it be all bad?  (yes, parents other than me have admitted the same thing).

Championship game was at 1:00pm this afternoon.  Let me add this up for you.  Hockey has 3 periods - at this age level, they play three 15 minute periods.  SO, by this afternoon, end of second period I had attended 225 minutes of hockey play time, plus 2 minutes of overtime in one game PLUS 30 minutes into the game we are watching.  We are now at 257 minutes of hockey in 36 hours.  

This does NOT include warm-up time, drive time or anything else.  This is shear on the ice time.  

We have 15 minutes left.  We are up 1-0.  Everyone is exhausted.

One of the dad's states the fact "We have 15 minutes left".  Yes, in the world of sports that is a VERY long time.  ANY thing can happen.  

I turned around and said, "Yes, but look how far we have come!"  We have already played 257 minutes - we only have 15 minutes left - that's nothing.  

He replies, "You really are a glass full type of person aren't you??".  I replied, "I'm used to training for things - I know you aren't supposed to look back - and if you do, it's just to see how far you have come".

BTW, they won the championship.  And for this sports enthusiast, 6 hockey games and 2 NFL games later, I'm exhausted.  


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Where have you been?

If you are a regular reader, I've been here.  While, I've been HERE, I haven't been "out there in the real world".

I haven't been going out.  I haven't been seeing my friends.  I've been in the "library".  Although, for me, the Library isn't a healthy place to be.  I do better out there in the world.  Yes, maybe I needed to recharge, but I still need to be amongst the living.  Not squirreled away at hockey games and on my couch.

Two weeks ago - the boys had hockey to attend on a Wednesday or Thursday night.  I decided I was going to take off my yoga pants - actually put on slacks - well, at least leggings and go out while they were at practice.

I can do this.  I have no problem going out by myself.  I'm not there to "pick up" anyone.  I just want to talk. I'm a friendly person.

I walk in to my favorite old restaurant - the manager comes over and gives me a hug.  She had been a waitress at this same restaurant several years ago.  

She remembered my name and commented on "I haven't seen you in forever". The truth is I recognized her immediately, but couldn't remember her name.

I walk to the bar and grab a seat next to two guys I knew from the club where I work out.

I left 2 hours later - I didn't pay for a thing.  Someone else picked up my check.  

The next week, I went back to meet some other friends.  We got preferential treatment.  A great table and a very fun time.

I'm not sure where I have been, but I'm back.