I SOOOO want to write. Write where the words just come out. And make sense. They make a story.
Although, today, yesterday and the day before that....NOTHING. Not a thing..... Not a story to tell.
That's not true. My "husband" (read owner of the company I'm working with) met an old boyfriend of mine the other day. Quite humorous - we are looking at expanding the company, I know what he wants to do, I sent him to met Robert. It was funny - I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. I didn't tell my husband that Robert was an old boyfriend. I will have to ask his real wife if she heard, of course, he's not going to tell me how it came up. Arrgh.....
My "Open Me" blog has been read over 300 times - I sent it to the Newtown Kindness to let them know the story. They posted a link on their website. They also sent the link to Charlotte's dad. He e-mailed me. Tears.
I don't do well in the month of February. It's the longest month ever. No wonder I ran away last February to Kona.
I'm trying to write. I really am. It's not personal. Maybe it's just a couple of days with a block. However, as I read my old blogs, I can get tears in my eyes too. So, I'll work on some good stories. They will come out. A block is just a stepping stone.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Valentine's Day
A really cute movie called "Valentine's Day" came out a few years ago. It's one of those movies that has several stories within the movie. It's a star studded cast (Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Dr's McDreamy and McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy - just to name a few). You know they all connect, you just aren't sure how. Different story lines. You try to piece it together as the movie goes along, but never really knowing whom is connected to whom, until the end.
I LOVE movies like this. Another one like this is "Love Actually" (Hugh Grant!!!). "New Year's Eve", etc. They all seem to revolve around holidays. Hmmmm - just now noticed that....
I guess holiday's are romanticized. Hollywood making us think that this is real life. The glitter. The shine. The many stories going on at once. That part is true. Pieces of our lives over-lapping the other pieces then finally combining, making one story. Your life.
I'm a connector. Guess that's why I recruit. Ha. I'm really good at meeting someone, then knowing they need to meet someone else I've met. Connecting two people. My life overlaps, ebbs and flows with pieces over-lapping. That's just everyday life for me.
However, next week, I'm going to have my own little Hollywood movie.
This is what is scripted:
Wednesday: I fly to Los Angeles. My summer daughter and her mother are picking me up. I'm spending the night with them. And if you have been following this story - yes, that's an old flame's ex-wife whom is picking me up at the airport. And yes, I'm spending the night with them.
Thursday: An old flame (a different one - this one is Ed) from many years ago, whom by the way, I met one summer and we have been great friends for years and years, is picking me up from their house. From there we are going to San Diego.
Friday: Both boys have a hockey tournament in San Diego - they don't know I'm coming. They really don't care that I'm going to be there - they do know Ed is coming to watch them. Oh, yes, my ex-husband will be there too.
Saturday: Summer daughter and her mom are coming to San Diego to see the boys play - the boys don't know this either.
Monday: Fly back to Denver. End of script.
That is all that is in the script - I think that's enough. It's a star studded cast. Thursday is Valentine's Day. This is my script. We are improvising the rest. I'm wondering what the other scripts contain.
I LOVE movies like this. Another one like this is "Love Actually" (Hugh Grant!!!). "New Year's Eve", etc. They all seem to revolve around holidays. Hmmmm - just now noticed that....
I guess holiday's are romanticized. Hollywood making us think that this is real life. The glitter. The shine. The many stories going on at once. That part is true. Pieces of our lives over-lapping the other pieces then finally combining, making one story. Your life.
I'm a connector. Guess that's why I recruit. Ha. I'm really good at meeting someone, then knowing they need to meet someone else I've met. Connecting two people. My life overlaps, ebbs and flows with pieces over-lapping. That's just everyday life for me.
However, next week, I'm going to have my own little Hollywood movie.
This is what is scripted:
Wednesday: I fly to Los Angeles. My summer daughter and her mother are picking me up. I'm spending the night with them. And if you have been following this story - yes, that's an old flame's ex-wife whom is picking me up at the airport. And yes, I'm spending the night with them.
Thursday: An old flame (a different one - this one is Ed) from many years ago, whom by the way, I met one summer and we have been great friends for years and years, is picking me up from their house. From there we are going to San Diego.
Friday: Both boys have a hockey tournament in San Diego - they don't know I'm coming. They really don't care that I'm going to be there - they do know Ed is coming to watch them. Oh, yes, my ex-husband will be there too.
Saturday: Summer daughter and her mom are coming to San Diego to see the boys play - the boys don't know this either.
Monday: Fly back to Denver. End of script.
That is all that is in the script - I think that's enough. It's a star studded cast. Thursday is Valentine's Day. This is my script. We are improvising the rest. I'm wondering what the other scripts contain.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
A life well lived
We often say "I wish I would have....". "We should have done/gone/etc...." "What if I had......" A bunch of questions re-guessing the way we live. Or the way we thought we should have lived. Could have lived. Were supposed to have lived.
Second guessing ourselves. Our lives. When in reality, the way we live, well, is the way we were supposed to live.
Yes, we all make mistakes. We also make really good decisions all the time. We just don't trust ourselves. We don't believe that our life - was - scratch that - is - supposed to be this way. Did I do the right thing?
I know it's hard. But really, our gut knows, make a decision. It is the right decision, regardless of other decisions. It's the right decision at the right time. We don't trust those moments often enough.
The last week has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. My grandfather died. Tears. Laughter. Love. Sadness. Happiness.
As this week winds to a close. As I think of the past. As I think of the future. The emotions are mixed. The feelings are mixed too.
Then I started thinking of things I could do that my grandfather would like. You know, those "Oh, this one is for you Papo". The "My Papo would be so proud". The "He would have loved this".
I kept thinking about all the things I want to do in my life. My journeys yet to come. The adventures that are next for me. Each time I think of those moments I tried to place those thoughts there:
I'm hiking this.... (This one is for you) I'm running this.... (you get the idea) I'm volunteering to ..... I graduated from Texas A&M....... (oh yeah, I did that - he was there) I'm going to _____________ (fill in the blank)
There is not ONE SINGLE THING I can think of that I haven't already done that would make my Papo even more proud of me than he already was. There is also not one more thing I need to do to make him even more proud.
Now, THAT, is a life well lived.
Second guessing ourselves. Our lives. When in reality, the way we live, well, is the way we were supposed to live.
Yes, we all make mistakes. We also make really good decisions all the time. We just don't trust ourselves. We don't believe that our life - was - scratch that - is - supposed to be this way. Did I do the right thing?
I know it's hard. But really, our gut knows, make a decision. It is the right decision, regardless of other decisions. It's the right decision at the right time. We don't trust those moments often enough.
The last week has been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. My grandfather died. Tears. Laughter. Love. Sadness. Happiness.
As this week winds to a close. As I think of the past. As I think of the future. The emotions are mixed. The feelings are mixed too.
Then I started thinking of things I could do that my grandfather would like. You know, those "Oh, this one is for you Papo". The "My Papo would be so proud". The "He would have loved this".
I kept thinking about all the things I want to do in my life. My journeys yet to come. The adventures that are next for me. Each time I think of those moments I tried to place those thoughts there:
I'm hiking this.... (This one is for you) I'm running this.... (you get the idea) I'm volunteering to ..... I graduated from Texas A&M....... (oh yeah, I did that - he was there) I'm going to _____________ (fill in the blank)
There is not ONE SINGLE THING I can think of that I haven't already done that would make my Papo even more proud of me than he already was. There is also not one more thing I need to do to make him even more proud.
Now, THAT, is a life well lived.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Looking for a dog
My grandfather passed away yesterday. He was 86 years old. In a way, I guess I thought he was immortal. I mean, I'm 43. People all the time would say "YOUR" grandparents? My kids have lots of grandparents. Me, "Yes, they are MY Grandparents"
Not sure I'm ready for this. We leave for Texas tomorrow. He wouldn't like all this fuss. My Granny, she will like all this fuss.
So, the boys and I leave to go to a place I've always gone. My whole life.
I call my Granny this morning to see how she is doing. The first thing she says to me "When you are here, I want you to help me find a dog". Okay, Granny, whatever you want. I understand why. She's been married for 65 years. She's never had to live alone.
I don't think a dog is good idea. At least not right now, but I'm here to help. It's gotta be a special dog. While contemplating this all day, while pretending to work, booking airfares, laughing and crying with the memories of my Papo, I've been thinking about how to accomplish this. How else? A list. Then craigslist.
Here's my ad:
Older woman seeking a companion:
Must be housebroken and not too much drool.
Must be very special. For a special lady. My grandfather recently passed away and my grandmother would like a companion.
Prefer mature. Young and needy will just not work.
Not too big (less than 40 pounds)
Not too small (don't want her to trip over him/her)
Mixed breeds are okay
Recent heartbreaks are okay too. Maybe your person died. Or moved. No judgement here.
No diggers. No escape artists. No biting. No chewers. Loyal.
Must like Judge Judy. Must be willing to sit on the back porch and have coffee every evening - and early mornings in the summer before it's too hot.
Not too fussy about your meals - although I have a feeling you will eat simple foods over bagged food.
Must be a great listener - Granny loves to tell stories.
You might have to play dress up on occasion.
Willing to tell Granny you like her paintings - or how she could make them better. She really will value your opinion.
Understand that nap times are valuable.
So is dancing in the living room
She gives great foot rubs - her great-grandsons say they are the best.
Must REALLY miss her when she goes on her social outings (not to worry, she doesn't stay out late). However, you must be content staying home.
She does like to shop, so you might become a little spoiled with new things. Only don't get too stingy, she still has us kids/grand kids/great-grand kids to spoil.
If we could teach you to play domino's, that would be a bonus. Or at least just not chew on the domino's.
Send us a picture - although we love all shapes and colors.
Willing to wait for the right one.
Have your human, tell us why you are ready to love our Granny as much as she will always love our Papo.
In exchange, you will also get all of the above.
We might not find one this weekend, but the right one will find us. I do hope people will understand I want to find my Granny a dog.....
Not sure I'm ready for this. We leave for Texas tomorrow. He wouldn't like all this fuss. My Granny, she will like all this fuss.
So, the boys and I leave to go to a place I've always gone. My whole life.
I call my Granny this morning to see how she is doing. The first thing she says to me "When you are here, I want you to help me find a dog". Okay, Granny, whatever you want. I understand why. She's been married for 65 years. She's never had to live alone.
I don't think a dog is good idea. At least not right now, but I'm here to help. It's gotta be a special dog. While contemplating this all day, while pretending to work, booking airfares, laughing and crying with the memories of my Papo, I've been thinking about how to accomplish this. How else? A list. Then craigslist.
Here's my ad:
Older woman seeking a companion:
Must be housebroken and not too much drool.
Must be very special. For a special lady. My grandfather recently passed away and my grandmother would like a companion.
Prefer mature. Young and needy will just not work.
Not too big (less than 40 pounds)
Not too small (don't want her to trip over him/her)
Mixed breeds are okay
Recent heartbreaks are okay too. Maybe your person died. Or moved. No judgement here.
No diggers. No escape artists. No biting. No chewers. Loyal.
Must like Judge Judy. Must be willing to sit on the back porch and have coffee every evening - and early mornings in the summer before it's too hot.
Not too fussy about your meals - although I have a feeling you will eat simple foods over bagged food.
Must be a great listener - Granny loves to tell stories.
You might have to play dress up on occasion.
Willing to tell Granny you like her paintings - or how she could make them better. She really will value your opinion.
Understand that nap times are valuable.
So is dancing in the living room
She gives great foot rubs - her great-grandsons say they are the best.
Must REALLY miss her when she goes on her social outings (not to worry, she doesn't stay out late). However, you must be content staying home.
She does like to shop, so you might become a little spoiled with new things. Only don't get too stingy, she still has us kids/grand kids/great-grand kids to spoil.
If we could teach you to play domino's, that would be a bonus. Or at least just not chew on the domino's.
Send us a picture - although we love all shapes and colors.
Willing to wait for the right one.
Have your human, tell us why you are ready to love our Granny as much as she will always love our Papo.
In exchange, you will also get all of the above.
We might not find one this weekend, but the right one will find us. I do hope people will understand I want to find my Granny a dog.....
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Facing West
"Don't buy a house facing West."
My great Uncle told my cousin - when she moved to Denver, "Whatever you do, don't live in a place facing West".
She bought that condo. Facing West. I never saw that condo. All I remember is that she said she couldn't help it. She had to face West. The view was too perfect.
I've owned three houses. Four. If you count the one house I bought twice. They have all been within walking distance to a hospital. All, yes, you guessed it facing West. All of them. "Whatever you do, don't buy a place facing West". Ah....
Facing the sunset. Our place in Hawaii doesn't face West. Although, if I could design a lanai, with a sunset view, this would be the one. The house doesn't face West. The people do.
I don't know why I remember her telling me he said that. It just stuck out in my mind. It really would be better if someone just told me to go do something. Instead, they tell me not to do something, then I go do it. If God had just told Adam, "Whatever you do, listen to the snake." The rest of us wouldn't have wanted to prove you wrong.....
So, it's January. It's 60 degrees. I'm sitting on my front porch. Facing West. Every time we drive back from Salt Lake City - we are driving East. We are much happier driving West. I don't like the sunset in my rear view mirror. I like facing it. I like chasing sunsets.......I get why you had to buy the place facing West. Sunsets are spectacular!
Maybe, just one more? Sunset that is?? ;-)
My great Uncle told my cousin - when she moved to Denver, "Whatever you do, don't live in a place facing West".
She bought that condo. Facing West. I never saw that condo. All I remember is that she said she couldn't help it. She had to face West. The view was too perfect.
I've owned three houses. Four. If you count the one house I bought twice. They have all been within walking distance to a hospital. All, yes, you guessed it facing West. All of them. "Whatever you do, don't buy a place facing West". Ah....
Facing the sunset. Our place in Hawaii doesn't face West. Although, if I could design a lanai, with a sunset view, this would be the one. The house doesn't face West. The people do.
I don't know why I remember her telling me he said that. It just stuck out in my mind. It really would be better if someone just told me to go do something. Instead, they tell me not to do something, then I go do it. If God had just told Adam, "Whatever you do, listen to the snake." The rest of us wouldn't have wanted to prove you wrong.....
So, it's January. It's 60 degrees. I'm sitting on my front porch. Facing West. Every time we drive back from Salt Lake City - we are driving East. We are much happier driving West. I don't like the sunset in my rear view mirror. I like facing it. I like chasing sunsets.......I get why you had to buy the place facing West. Sunsets are spectacular!
Maybe, just one more? Sunset that is?? ;-)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Charlotte Bacon
Charlotte Bacon is our guardian angel.
I've been trying to see why she touched our lives. I might not ever know. I might not know for years. All I do know, is that this angel was sent to us.
The Charlotte Bacon I'm writing about left this world in December. She was a part of a national tragedy. Due to circumstances in my past, I don't read the stories about mass shootings. We've been there already. Way too close to home. Someone, some place reminded me I can't let these moments pass in vain.
What I know about "our" Charlotte Bacon. She loved animals. She got to wear her pink boots and dress to school on the day she died. She wanted to be a veterinarian. (The fact is not lost on me that I graduated from Texas A&M University - home of one of the best vet schools in the nation).
From what I now know, a friend of the family has started an organization honoring Charlotte. The organization is called Newtown Kindness . They are encouraging children to practice random acts of kindness. They have print off's you can encourage children to offer random acts of kindness.
Until about two hours ago, I didn't know of this organization. I just Googled Charlotte's name, to see if I could learn more about her.
They have now posted my original post on their website.
Please help me, help my angel's family, continue to pass on goodwill in her name. I didn't start this act of kindness, I just hope to pass it on. It's not coincidence that I received a random act of kindness and this family has created a kindness page to carry it forward.
As I sent the e-mail to the organization, telling them my story, it wasn't me who started it. It was someone else whom touched me. I don't need the recognition. My person didn't either. My angel doesn't either. Isn't that the best part of the whole story? No one is here for glory. Just, please, carry on......
Oh, and on another note. After I received my random act of kindness, of course, I did Google the name. There is also an author named Charlotte Bacon - she used to live in New England, and was a teacher. Maybe my Charlotte was telling me I needed to go write......
PSS. When I write the word "kindness" I keep leaving out the "n" - when I type it, it is "kidness" Maybe we should all practice "random acts of kidness"
I've been trying to see why she touched our lives. I might not ever know. I might not know for years. All I do know, is that this angel was sent to us.
The Charlotte Bacon I'm writing about left this world in December. She was a part of a national tragedy. Due to circumstances in my past, I don't read the stories about mass shootings. We've been there already. Way too close to home. Someone, some place reminded me I can't let these moments pass in vain.
What I know about "our" Charlotte Bacon. She loved animals. She got to wear her pink boots and dress to school on the day she died. She wanted to be a veterinarian. (The fact is not lost on me that I graduated from Texas A&M University - home of one of the best vet schools in the nation).
From what I now know, a friend of the family has started an organization honoring Charlotte. The organization is called Newtown Kindness . They are encouraging children to practice random acts of kindness. They have print off's you can encourage children to offer random acts of kindness.
Until about two hours ago, I didn't know of this organization. I just Googled Charlotte's name, to see if I could learn more about her.
They have now posted my original post on their website.
Please help me, help my angel's family, continue to pass on goodwill in her name. I didn't start this act of kindness, I just hope to pass it on. It's not coincidence that I received a random act of kindness and this family has created a kindness page to carry it forward.
As I sent the e-mail to the organization, telling them my story, it wasn't me who started it. It was someone else whom touched me. I don't need the recognition. My person didn't either. My angel doesn't either. Isn't that the best part of the whole story? No one is here for glory. Just, please, carry on......
Oh, and on another note. After I received my random act of kindness, of course, I did Google the name. There is also an author named Charlotte Bacon - she used to live in New England, and was a teacher. Maybe my Charlotte was telling me I needed to go write......
PSS. When I write the word "kindness" I keep leaving out the "n" - when I type it, it is "kidness" Maybe we should all practice "random acts of kidness"
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Under different circumstances
Ever met someone you don't like?
You "get off on the wrong foot" with this person. You just don't click. You were in a bad mood that day. Maybe they were in a bad mood that day. Whatever the reason, you just don't like each other.
We don't have to like everyone. We should all just be nice to everyone.
I really do like people. All people. All shapes and sizes: young and old (although my patience with the extremities of those age groups, well, could be better). Sometimes, though, it's okay if you don't get along with someone. You don't need to be friends. Just be nice. Understand we all different interests.
OR
We might actually have the same interests. We might love the same kids. Love the same man. Have the same passions. We don't "click", but I bet we have a lot in common. Jealously is a powerful controller of attitude.
What if we had the chance to meet that person again? When things were different? We are more mature. The geek gets the jock. The person is whom was married when you met them, is now single? You get a do-over? Can you really start over? Try again?
One of my closest friends, we didn't like each other when we met. We met in college. We only met once. It was a disaster. Honestly, I can say that is not usually the case with the people I meet. We did run into each other a few months later. It didn't go any better.
The memory of our meeting had long faded. In fact, probably would have never thought about the meeting again. Except I have a scar on my chin from the night we had met in college.
Back story: The story isn't really exciting, the scar makes it sound exciting. Basically, I was in the car with four girls, and when I went to get out of the back seat of her car, my foot caught on the drivers side seat belt (back when they weren't attached to the wall) and my chin ate it into the pavement. Ouch. There were no stitches. I couldn't have even told you her name.
Nine or so years after that first meeting:
I'm at the Denver International Airport with my then 4 month old son to pick up Carolyn. I know most people don't like babies around (think fussy), so I looked around. I found a woman with an infant. I sat next to her. She was waiting for her parents to arrive on the same plane.
Yes, the same woman I had gone to college with. Living in Denver. The one whom I didn't like. She didn't like me either. Only, it took us about 6 months to realize we had met. Then not only had we met each other, we had to remember we didn't like each other. Ha.
Duncan was 4 months old. Mason (her son) was 6 months old. The boys are 15 now. She moved back to Houston several years ago. We talk every day. I can't imagine my life without her.
We met under different circumstances.
You "get off on the wrong foot" with this person. You just don't click. You were in a bad mood that day. Maybe they were in a bad mood that day. Whatever the reason, you just don't like each other.
We don't have to like everyone. We should all just be nice to everyone.
I really do like people. All people. All shapes and sizes: young and old (although my patience with the extremities of those age groups, well, could be better). Sometimes, though, it's okay if you don't get along with someone. You don't need to be friends. Just be nice. Understand we all different interests.
OR
We might actually have the same interests. We might love the same kids. Love the same man. Have the same passions. We don't "click", but I bet we have a lot in common. Jealously is a powerful controller of attitude.
What if we had the chance to meet that person again? When things were different? We are more mature. The geek gets the jock. The person is whom was married when you met them, is now single? You get a do-over? Can you really start over? Try again?
One of my closest friends, we didn't like each other when we met. We met in college. We only met once. It was a disaster. Honestly, I can say that is not usually the case with the people I meet. We did run into each other a few months later. It didn't go any better.
The memory of our meeting had long faded. In fact, probably would have never thought about the meeting again. Except I have a scar on my chin from the night we had met in college.
Back story: The story isn't really exciting, the scar makes it sound exciting. Basically, I was in the car with four girls, and when I went to get out of the back seat of her car, my foot caught on the drivers side seat belt (back when they weren't attached to the wall) and my chin ate it into the pavement. Ouch. There were no stitches. I couldn't have even told you her name.
Nine or so years after that first meeting:
I'm at the Denver International Airport with my then 4 month old son to pick up Carolyn. I know most people don't like babies around (think fussy), so I looked around. I found a woman with an infant. I sat next to her. She was waiting for her parents to arrive on the same plane.
Yes, the same woman I had gone to college with. Living in Denver. The one whom I didn't like. She didn't like me either. Only, it took us about 6 months to realize we had met. Then not only had we met each other, we had to remember we didn't like each other. Ha.
Duncan was 4 months old. Mason (her son) was 6 months old. The boys are 15 now. She moved back to Houston several years ago. We talk every day. I can't imagine my life without her.
We met under different circumstances.
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