I'm going to bed

For the record, this was probably one of the most successful February's on record, for me.  I've mentioned before I don't like February.  This February, I did okay.

It was almost like it was the rest of my life - it flowed.  There were highs.  There were lows.  But there were no "stay down in the lows for a few weeks".  It worked for me.  I even noticed towards the end of the month, the days were getting a little brighter at night.  It was around 6:15 the other night and the sky still held some of the reflection of the sun.

But really, I had a great February.  I booked tickets for me and my kids to go to Europe.  I closed a couple of deals.  I increased my running.  I owned the month.  One day at a time - just like I said I would.

Then, if you follow astrology, "Mercury Retrograde" ended.  If you follow astrology, "Mercury Retrograde" is a time of disorder - things break, nothing goes right, you can't get it going.  During this time, you are supposed to finish old business - not start anything new - wrap up old things. But for me, it seemed to go better.  ***Disclaimer here, I know enough about astrology to write that sentence, maybe another sentence or two.  But, that's it.  Much like the rest of my personality - a little bit of everything, a lot of nothing"..........

Then February ends, we come out of retrograde, and spring is within sight........

• A phone call arrives on February 28 letting me know a friend had passed.  I got to start March by attending a funeral.  He smoked, he drank, he didn't eat well - we all knew it was a matter of time - it still didn't make it any easier.  He was only 55.  He always made me laugh. It was a beautiful service.
• A candidate backs out of a position they were going to start - AFTER they had passed the background check, drug test and told the company they would accept.  Yes - this happens to me at least twice a year.  (I got this one out of the way). (which means I don't get the rest of my money)
• For some reason, I now get to go on holiday with my ex-boyfriends ex-wife.  
• The guy whom fired me last summer?  His daughter asked my oldest son if he would take her to her prom.  It's next weekend.  Of course he's going.  He is my son.  And I told him - please tell the sweet girl that whatever expenses you incur, her dad needs to pay for.  Duncan won't.  But, I will.  I did text his wife so I could make sure the flowers match her dress.......(Guys take note - you want me on your team, you don't want me on the team against you).  And the way my life works, Duncan and this girl will start to date.
• I ran 7 miles yesterday.  I went to run 7 miles today.  First though, I wanted to go to yoga - to stretch and breathe.  I was running late and got to class about 5 minutes late.  Or so I thought.  I was actually about 35 minutes late.  I then walked 4 miles
• The sucker punch of them all?  The Hawaii house has a contract on it.

Yes, these are all "first world problems" - I have my health, my kids health and a roof over my head - (and I think I may even finally have health insurance again).

But, for now, I'm going to bed.  

Shhh......

It's a secret.

I LOVE surprises.  I love the good type of secrets.  The type where there is planning.  There is wanting. There is knowing you are going to make someone happy.

Truly, I'm a horrible secret keeper.  I mean, not really.  It's just hard to keep a secret. I can keep a secret until the end of time.  Heck, I even had Harry Connick, Jr's credit card number for a few years. (I owned a gift company, his sister-in-law lived/lives in Boulder)  See, I've kept that a secret for years.

When I was pregnant with Nolan.  I didn't know if I was pregnant with a boy or girl.  It actually drove everyone else more crazy than me.   I remember answering the question:  "What are you going to have?" = with the reply "kittens".   "I get to know for the rest of my life".  I don't want to find out early.  I like surprises.  I'll find out soon.

At the moment, just before he came out of my body - I remember, the doctor looked around the room.  She says, "Now is your turn to guess."  People in the office had guessed.  People in the room guessed.  She looks at his dad - he replies "no clue".  I looked at her square in the eyes.

"It's a boy".  Not a doubt in my mind.

He thinks that is why he likes surprises.  He was a surprise.

Now, he has a surprise coming soon......Shhhh..... (he loves surprises)

Other things to remember

More on my list of what to remember while winter running:

IT IS STILL WINTER.  This is not "spring-time" in the Rockies.  It is FEBRUARY.  It is still winter.  No matter what the sky looks like or the thermostat tells you.  It's winter.  That means, while there may not be a cloud in the sky, while it may be 65 degrees - it can all be very short lived.  I went to run on Monday.  I left the house in a running skirt and a tank top.  It was 65 degrees.  The air was warm.  The sun was bright.  I was at mile 1.5 - and it started getting windy.  I KNOW better than to leave the house without a jacket, or a long sleeve shirt - I've lived here for over 20 years.  Weather can change in a moment - no matter what the month.  By the time I got home, 20 minutes later - it was 35 degrees.  Yes, it dropped 30 degrees in 20 minutes.  I know better than this.

Snow mold.  Never heard of it before.  But when I'm done running, I start to sneeze within 10 minutes of stopping.  I don't stop sneezing.  Take a Sudafed immediately.  Evidently, the ground, leaves, whatever starts to mold under the snow that doesn't melt - then it melts, and the mold gets to me.  Never knew I was allergic to snow mold.  Of course, I didn't know there was such a thing.

Weight coming off in the winter is different than in the summer.  I think my body keeps trying to keep me warm.  My clothes are looser, but the weight loss has stopped.  No, it's not muscle, trust me.

The thoughts that pop into your head are incredible.  You don't know anyone or yourself any better than you ever will after you have pushed your body to another limit.  I was running last week - my first really long run this time - 12 miles (I'm SO behind).  I got to mile 11 and I told myself  "Slow down.  It's okay, it's not like this is a competition."  Then I smiled.  If this isn't a competition, I don't know what is.  Only this time, I'm only competing against me.

It's time to upload/download some new music.  The music that got you this far, isn't getting you across this finish line.  Time for new music.  It's a new race.

Deleting Contacts

My phone/address book has over 600 contacts.  Granted some of those are double entered - or in some cases triple.  When Carolyn calls me the Caller ID on my phone says "Carolyn or 2 others".  Meaning, I have her under Carolyn.  Carolyn Maiden Name.  Carolyn Maiden Name Married Name.  This doesn't even count the fact I have her husband's name and number in there or her dad.  Because I could need to talk to them too.

Many and I would say MOST of my contacts are friends/family and people I've meet personally.  Then there is an entire group of work/professional contacts as well.  I'm usually pretty good about whom I put into the phone/contact list.  When I put someone in, if they are a business connection, I put their company information.

If I meet a person, through a friend or a friend of a friend, I put that instead in the "Company" information.  For example,  I have a whole group of contacts that say "Sams Mom" or "Jacks Dad" from first meeting various "parent friends".  Finally, a few years ago, I changed "Sams Mom" to "Lynda".  I figured by now she was my friend too.

Then there is the group of people I've met randomly - Jimmy "In Vail with Carolyn"; Jackson "cute guy with Rockies tickets", Julie "friend of Melody's".  That way when they do call/text, I can remember in what context I know this person. Or if I need to find them, I can search by some random clue.  As for some reason I can remember "remember that girl that's friends with Melody...." I'm usually really good at this as I talk to tons of people (occupational hazard) and can never remember their actual name, but how/why I meet someone.

A few years ago Carolyn and I were headed to Vail.  I was driving, she was in the passenger seat.  We went through my phone, her deleting contacts we didn't think were relevant anymore.  It felt good, a cleansing so to speak.  We had to weigh the pros/cons of deleting a couple.  But overall, I don't think I regretted deleting anyone.  Or keeping anyone.  Of course, on the way home, we were stuck in traffic.  We decided it was a good thing we had deleted some old numbers, no telling whom we would have called!

Although, I have to say, there are some I've tried to delete.  PeterPan.  Oh dear - I've deleted his number so many times, I can't even count.  I finally came to terms a few years ago that there was no point.  In fact, he's probably one of the only numbers I do still know from memory.

Or MM - another romance that faded away.  I finally deleted him.  Then one day, over a YEAR since I had heard from him, I receive a text "How are you? Just thinking of you.  MM".  He was put back in.  We don't really talk to each other much any more, but there is no point in deleting he will reappear.

It seems once you are deleted, if you come back, you get to stay.

Then, there are fun ones.  The random ones whom I forgot to identify.  Who the heck is this???

On Saturday afternoon I received a text and the named showed up in my phone as "Brendan Slate" (no that is not his real name) and the text says "Hey! How are you? Want to meet in Vegas in May?  Unless of course you are still in Kona"  Brendan.

Who the heck is Brendan Slate?  I had no "clue".  No identifying marker.  Hmmmm, let's see, well, I either met him right before, during or after Kona.  Hmmm, I wonder what summer?

I'm at the club, I'm drying my hair.  Oh.  Wait.  Hmmmm......

His area code 858 - I think that's California.  Hmmmm.  OH, wait!  He's that hot English guy whom played "football" for England and Australia. He played professional - I even now remember googling his name, I believe he played on the same team as Beckham for bit.  Oh, I remember him.  We met briefly.  We had dinner.  He went to the paddle club with me to canoe.  He met Nolan the day he arrived in Kona. Then he left.  He had been in Kona coaching a soccer clinic.

Oh, yes, I remember you.

And this is why we don't delete people from our contacts.

Because, yes, yes, I will meet you in Vegas.

Getting to Go

I view travel - even if it's for business - as "I get to go".  I don't care where it is.  I've been to Cleveland, OH on a business trip.  I still enjoyed that trip.  I had never been there.  It was interesting city and it wasn't as gloomy as they tell you.  Yes, it was the middle of winter.

Years ago I traveled much for business.  All just in the USA.  Mainly even the West Coast.  I had the best territory ever.  (At least for me)  Denver, Phoenix, San Diego, Orange County, LA, San Fran.  It was great.  Easy flights.  Beautiful WARM cities.

Even on business, I would find fun things to do.  Or stay an extra day.  Or bring a friend or a kid along to see different things.  If it wasn't an adventure, I was going to make it an adventure.

Now my trips are fun.  I do try to put some "learning" into each trip.  Although, I don't like the traditional "go through each museum and "see" what they are displaying.  I'm more of a "let's go find the best breakfast place the locals recommend.  Or "Let's go find the OLDEST museum/restaurant/church/bicycle shop" in town.  OR "Let's run where athletes have run for years and see what they see".  I'm about the experience.

In planning this trip with the kids to Europe, the last thing I want to do is "drag them from church to church, museum to museum."  Kids don't like that - although, some times you do have to do those things you don't like - you just have to see it.  I don't like doing that either.  I've been thinking of other ideas:

• While in London, let's actually GO to a church service at the Westminster Abby (we are Episcopalian) and this is where the branch of our church started.  Actual history.
• While in Paris, maybe we can find the oldest chocolate shop in each area.
• While at the Louvre (sorry, they have to go there). Not only do we have to see the Mona Lisa and Venus De Milo, maybe each kid has to see if there is a piece of art with their name in it?  Find a piece of art with a "rabbit" in it.
• Ask a local for the best creperie in town and go there.
• Take the stairs to the top of the Eiffel tower versus the elevator.
• Rent bicycles and tour the town on the bike - packing a lunch and stopping at local markets for more food.

A few years ago, Duncan was invited to go to Germany with a friend of his. His friends family (the mom) is actually German. They have family there.  It didn't end up working out for Duncan to meet them - the family had to re-route their vacation that year.  But I was SO excited about him GETTING to go.  What an opportunity.  

Was I worried for his safety?  No more than I worry here.  He's going to do this one day on his own (At least I hope he does).  Why not take this opportunity and let him explore with another family?  

The real, true problem - I was jealous.  I WANTED to go with him.  Of course I did.  He gets to go on an adventure?  And it doesn't include me????  

I just have to remember, this is their life too.  I would also rather they slowly get to explore the world (with some adults still around), then go on their own.  Hopefully, the good things they have learned can be taken and applied to their whole life.  Then they get to go........

Divorce

People use the term "divorce" all the time now.  I"m going to "divorce" my bank - I don't want to do business with them any more.  I'm "divorcing" a job, it's not healthy.

Divorce isn't always about a marriage of two people.  But today, let's look at a positive side of divorce between two people.

Here you have two people whom don't agree on things any more.  Yes, I think divorce is a cop-out and people do get divorced without trying hard.  But you can also get married with doing any work either.  I think we have the system backwards:  there should be a year waiting period after you decide you want to get married before you can get married.  If you still want to get married after the year, then you can get married.

You hear all time the time "kids of divorce are from a broken home".  Yes, there are some bad situations out there.  I also know plenty of people whom aren't happy together, yet stay together for the kids.  Meanwhile, the kids are living in hell because NO ONE is happy.

What about the happy medium?

I think my sons play ENTIRELY too much hockey.  Travel teams, club teams, school teams?  Where do you draw the line?

If I was still married, I would just have to deal with it.  And not be happy - I wouldn't not be happy because my sons are playing hockey, I would be sad because I wouldn't be able to show them the things I think are important in their growth.  We wouldn't be able to go to Hawaii.  We wouldn't be able to travel for non-hockey adventures. And many other things.

Instead, in our family, we accept differences.  I support the hockey opportunities emotional for my kids, just not financially.  Their dad supports his sons opportunities to explore the world emotionally, just not financially.

We both understand our boys best interest is at heart.  We just have different adventures for them.

Remembering

When the boys were little, people said all the time "you need to write this stuff down".  You know the funny stuff, the little things, the things you won't remember.  Of course, I didn't do it.

I HATE when people can't talk about anything but the past (yes, my mother does this all the time and it drives me crazy - she knows it drives me crazy) - Mothers are here to drive you crazy.  Just ask my kids. Yes, some moments are good to reminisce, but the present is also a wonderful place to live.

What I really need to remember is things where I made a mistake, or I learned something - so the next time I go to do it, I can do it better or not repeat the same mistakes.

This winter running is much harder than spring/summer running.

Things I need to remember if I do this again:  (and we know I will)

• It's cooler when you run, and the GOOD thing - you can go run anytime - I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to go run.  It will be cool out in the middle of the afternoon.
• Running while it is cool feels great - but when you stop, you are COLD.  It's because you are wet.
• Feel too cold to get in the shower, then you warm up - and you realize how bad you smell.  Just get in the shower.
• Arms still chafe even if you have a long sleeve shirt on over the tank.
• You still need water - maybe not as much, but you are still getting dehydrated
• Not all places that are open in the summer to use the restroom/get a drink of water are open in the winter.  (Winter Hours at Wash Park Rec Center).  Ran 7 miles - could have run 10 if the rec center had been open.
• Buy some crappy long sleeve t-shirts.  More clothes.  More to smell.  More to wash.  Things wear out faster
• You need gloves and ear warmers.  Be okay with throwing things away.  Or make sure you leave a note that you will be back
• Don't do this again.  What the hell were you thinking?
• Oh, yeah, you lost 10 pounds and you got to go to Paris and London - and you get to take your kids.  

It was just a little bit of a pain.  Right?