Annoyed

Recovery from anything can be traumatic.  Of course, most of us cause us our own injuries. 

When I started writing this, I was annoyed.  Not angry.  Not sad.  Not depressed.  Just annoyed.  You are BUGGING me.  You know that feeling?  Like a two year old whom won't quit asking "why?".  Like an older person you know telling you the same story for the MILLIONTH (yes, I KNOW IT"S NOT A WORD) time.  Irritated. 

There are times we get annoyed in life.  Sometimes we are lucky and we can get whom or what is annoying us.  They tell us the same story over and over.  "They" keep telling us we are wrong. 

Truth is, we know it.  We know everything someone is telling us.  You just don't need to KEEP telling us.  Tell me once.  I promise, I do hear it.  I promise you, I will listen too.  I will TRY to get better.  That is all I'm asking of you.  Just try to be nicer when you tell me.  I will try to be less annoyed when I tell you.

One of the owners of the Hawaii house called today.  We had run out of spa supplies (chlorine and shock treatment for the hot tub).  I had ordered more.  They still haven't received it.  But instead of being nice, I think I sounded a little annoyed on the phone.  I did receive an e-mail, I told him.  I didn't have a chance to look at the e-mail, let me see. 

Truly, though, I wasn't annoyed that he wanted to know when the chemicals would arrive.  I was annoyed I wasn't there.  He's living in MY house.  On MY island.

I now have to go back to this real world.  THEY get to live in mine.  Okay, it's their house.  The island belongs to America and anyone can live there.  BUT, I'm here.  And I"m pissed off.

Our story of the summer is beautiful.  I shouldn't be upset.  I'm just transforming back into my life.  Much like the caterpillar whom is about to become the butterfly.  Only, it's the end of the summer and I feel more like a butterfly being forced to changed back into the caterpillar. 

I want to be the butterfly.  Really, the dragonfly.  I've always liked those better.  Not as fragile as the butterfly. 

I am sorry.  (those words are always hard to say).  I didn't mean to be short with you. 

What I said:  "I will check the e-mail.  I will let you know."

What I wanted to say:  "You hot tub supplies will get there.  Just calm down.  I'm annoyed and pissed off that I won't get to put them in the hot tub". 

I know, you are just wanting to make sure everything does get there.  You are so sweet and concerned that we aren't being ripped off.  Thank you.  I appreciate it. I'm sorry I was annoyed Thank you for letting us enjoy your home.

I'm going to try saying that to myself a few more times.  Maybe one day I will be brave enough to say it to you.