Owning this month

When I think December is bad, I just remember "December has NOTHING on February"

December is hectic.  It's cold.  It's dark, but there are bright spots through the entire month.  

But February......It's a whole different animal.....

Last February, I said I was going to OWN this February.  I was going to plan, it was all going to fall into place, and THIS February, it was going to be mine.

Every morning, I look at the calendar and think, "I made it one more day".  We are going to get through February - then the rest of the year is going to fly.  But for the shortest month of the year, it's usually, the longest.

SO - this is what I'm doing DIFFERENT this February:

• I'm running.  I ran 7 miles today.  It was 29 degrees when we stopped running.  I was sweating.  (One of those things as a girl born in Texas that I will NEVER understand!  (How can it be 29 degrees or heck, even -20, and I'm SWEATING?)
• I'm on track to have several "starts" this month (in the recruiting world, I get paid when people start working).
• I'm going to write - every day. Okay, maybe only every other day.  But they say exercise is THE best anti-depressant you can buy.  I'm betting doing anything you love comes in second.
• I'm eating chips when I want to eat chips.  My choice of today was BBQ Lays.  (And now feel sick, but the handful was really good).
• I'm planning.
• I'm buying plane tickets for the future.  This February I don't have to run away.  (although, I still might).
• I'm being the strong one
• The dreamer
• The believer.

I'm not the only one whom doesn't like February.  

There is group of us whom a February was very tragic.  It's gets a bit easier each year, but there are still moments that it seems like yesterday.

or

My "first son", the one whom was born when I was in college  - and I got to see in Oahu last summer called the other day.  He's still stationed in Hawaii.  "Aunt Leasa, instead of going home this summer, can I just come stay with you in Kona?"   Then later seeing a post on his Facebook page "Sorry, I can't do that this summer, I'm staying in Hawaii with my Aunt at her beach house"

or 

A sweet girl in California sending pictures from last summer.  Missing us.  Hating the "politics of high school". Wanting to plan our summer.

or 

Another sweet teenage girl still in Hawaii, wanting to know when we are getting back.  "There is JUST so much to tell"......

I didn't have the heart to tell any of them, "we have to find a different house this summer"

I guess we all get the February blues.  But this month, I'm going to own it.  I just need to breathe and tell my tribe to breathe too.  

We will make it through February.  I can hear the ocean telling me that now....