Thursday, January 26, 2012


Hell, I can't even spell the word.  I had to look it up.  Had to make sure it was spelled correctly.

Not one of my virtues.  Not something I think I could even want in my life.

I want it now.  In fact, I wanted it yesterday.  And for the first time in a VERY long time - well, I want you.....

Just be patient.

You always get whatever you want in life.  You just don't get it when you think you should.  OR when you want it.

One of the things I've learned in life:  you ALWAYS get what you want.  ALWAYS.  And  I know there are people whom are going to argue with me on this one.  BUT, sorry, you are wrong.  

Here is the trick.  It doesn't always show up like you thought it would.  Or hoped it could.  HOWEVER, what you wanted showed up.  And SOMETIMES, when it finally does show up..... You don't want it any more.  (don't forget that!!  Just because you don't want it anymore doesn't mean it didn't show up like you asked)

Remember that girl you had a crush on in 9th grade and couldn't live without??
That guy whom you were going to die without marrying?
The killer job, with everything you always wanted?
The baby you wanted? 
The July off???
The summer romance that was supposed to continue?
The bank account full of money?
The mental capacity not to care about any of this?

Just remember, you either quit wanting it or it shows up in your life.  At some point.  Maybe not looking like you thought it would look.  In fact, the dream might show up and blind-side you.  Or the dream might sweep you off your feet.

You either have to create the dream or go find it.

Remember that girl you had a crush on in 9th grade and couldn't live without??  Had 3 kids and is abused.  And thinks of you all the time
That guy whom you were going to die without marrying?  Smokes 3 packs a day and you have nothing in common
The killer job, with everything you always wanted?  Requires you to travel 90% of the time
The baby you wanted?  Maybe she is still waiting for a home from an orphanage in Mexico.

The July off???  It's still waiting for youOnly it's September
The summer romance that was supposed to continue?   he got married, so did you - and you both realize it was a summer romance and you both grew up.
The bank account full of money?  Check, so maybe it happened.  Will it ever be enough?
The mental capacity not to care about any of this?  It's all just stuff......

Just be patient.  Just be patient.  Just be patient.  Patience opens our eyes.  Just give it time

I'm convincing myself as well as you.  And we both know, it's worth the wait.....

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The missing picture book

Most people take lots of pictures. And this is where everything we have in common ends.  What we do with those pictures goes something like this:

Pre-digital camera days:  (aka film)

Take lots of pictures.
Never get the filmed developed.


Get the pictures developed.

Put all pictures into shoebox.


Get pictures developed  (double copies)

Give one away

The other goes into a scrapbook.

I guess that could be described a personality type 1, 2 or 3

Digital age:

Take lots of pictures

Immediate gratification - can see them on the computer.  Heck, now we can see them instantly.

1)  Leave them on the camera.


2)  Upload pictures from camera to computer

Then they may stay on the computer FOREVER.  Unless of course, you think your computer is about to die, then you spend HOURS, putting them in another place (from the drawer to the shoebox so to speak) -; www.mypictures,com   etc.

You may upload them to a site - publish them for the world to see....


MAYBE print them out


Put them in a nifty scrapbook - NEVER having to print them out.  Putting them in order, cute comments and good pictures - then POOF you have a cute picture book that arrives in the mail.

Truth be told - I'm a combination of all of the above.  I upload pictures, I print some out, I leave some on the camera and some on a share site.  AND with a deadline, I will make a picture book.  I LOVE my picture books.

My Granny and I started a tradition 7 years ago.  We took a trip together - a cruise up the Mississippi river.  Her 75th birthday, my 35th birthday.  For our 80th/40th - we went to Vegas.  She had never been.  I couldn't WAIT to make our picture book.  In fact, the last picture was blacked out "to protect the innocent".   Because, we all know "what happens in Vegas,......."

The picture books are fun, easy and also easy to replicate.  (Simple to give as a gift).

And yes, sometimes it takes me a whole year to make those books.  Beach vacations - I have the best idea too for a "First Day of School Book"  - the boys every first day of school........

There is one book I'm having trouble starting.

The Hawaii Book.

Yes, there are 214 pictures.

Yes, they are all on the share site.  All off the computer. 

And yes, I made a cute little video with pictures and songs - only it needs to be edited.  I just can't start the book.

I don't know why.  Maybe I don't want the feeling to end.  Maybe I feel it was real, and day to day life you just can't capture.  Vacations you can capture.  Special moments you can capture and put into a book.  This one just doesn't want to go into a book yet.

Don't get me wrong, I have procrastinated other books before - thinking "LATER".  This one is different.  I don't even want to start it.

The book might make it a vacation.  A trip.  A moment.  Somethings to look back at and remember.

Denial might be the correct word.  I'm still thinking it was a journey.  Part of the passage.  Say, for instance, 7th grade.  And I wouldn't put 7th grade into a picture book. 

At least they are uploaded.  And it's not edited, but there is music to it.  Some of the pictures are duplicated, it's not in order.  I DO love to look at it.  So do the boys.

In fact, we love all our picture books.

This one is just not ready to go into the books.  If I put it in the books, the journey will be over?

Nah, Carolyn and I thought that for years.  There are tons of our pictures AND books from our vacations and beach trips - they still continue. 

In the front of my mind, I'm not ready for this moment to be over.  Part of history.  After all, we talk about Hawaii at least on a weekly basis around here.  There is the hesitation.  Once it goes in the book, it becomes the past.

This picture book might just have to live in our head.  Once again, things are usually better in our heads than anywhere else......

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Was this their decision?

We all influence other peoples lives.  Directly, indirectly, by accident, on purpose, intentionally, etc.  If you have children, you expose them to a multitude of activities.  But chances are, the only activities you expose your children to are the activities you like.

I realized the other day, my sons have never played a game of baseball.  I'm not a huge baseball fan (I do go to games though), their dad isn't into baseball either.  So, it's one of those sports that has just slipped by us.  My children haven't missed out on anything - they have exposure to other activities.

What I really want to know is:  what about the kids who only CAN play/do one activity?  Let's look at the Manning family.  You know, Archie Manning, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning...... Yes, there are two brothers who don't play football.  Can you imagine the pressure on those two boys?  What about the pressure on Eli and Peyton?  What if they had wanted to play another sport?  Did they LOVE to get up in the morning and go play football???

Rumor has it John Elway wouldn't let his son play Lacrosse in high school.  Thought it might take away from his football ability.  Of course, in the middle of his sophomore or junior year in college, Jack Elway walked off the football team.  Maybe he always wanted to be a Lacrosse player???

I could go on and on.  There are tons of famous examples of children and their activity choices.  Do you expose your children to everything and then see what piques their interest?  Do you pick an activity and they like it because you like it? 

When do you start making your own choices about what you like in life versus what your parents want you to like in life???

Reading back over this, there are more questions than answers.  There are no easy answers.  It takes a brave child to tell their parents they don't like something you want them to like.  If only we would listen.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I would flee


A dear, dear friend of mine and I were having a conversation one day - YEARS AGO.  She started the conversation with something close to the disclaimer above.  PLEASE - if you EVER think for EVEN a moment, someone you know is thinking of this, PLEASE, yes ask.  And it's okay if you ask me.  I would rather save one life than have you be shy about asking me.

It went something like this:  I want to ask you a question, but I don't want you to worry about me.  I'm just asking.  "Do you ever want to just get into your car and ram yourself into the rock wall?"   My IMMEDIATE response was "Oh no, I'm a "flee-er" not a "crash into the wall kinda gal".

Now as I reflect on that conversation, it makes me laugh.

She was having a rough day.  She wasn't thinking of driving into a wall - it was a "how do you cope/avoid/deal with it when you had enough situation".  With her personality type, she is a "drive into the wall kinda gal".  Work as hard as you can, be the best mom you can be, be the best wife you can be - and heck, when you are done:  drive into the wall to escape.  Escape might be TV; a book, staying at work late, etc.  Go harder and faster and what you are currently doing.

My response to the question?  NEVER.  I probably used to be that girl.  (maybe)  I'm more of a flee"er".  When I've had enough????  Get in my car, on my bike, in the pool/ocean, put my running shoes on, etc and GO...... As far as I can, as fast as I can.  And don't stop.   Get out of here, but not to hurt myself.  Are you kidding???  There is a WHOLE world waiting for me.  The wall would impede that process.

This conversation went on for a bit.  After a while, I viewed "fleeing" as something I WANTED to do.  NOT a bad thing.  I was excited.....

WAIT, I can't flee - I have kids, I have a business, I have a house, blah, blah blah.

 And THIS is the very best part of the whole story:  I can't flee right now, but say in 6 or 7 years (remember this was a few years ago) I can flee.  WOW!  What an empowering feeling.  I can go anywhere I want to go and do anything I want to do.  My kids will be in college, I can finally "FLEE"

Of course, I would have to call Carolyn and tell her where I was going.  I would have to let the boys know where I would be.  I would want to call my mom & dad and grandparents, so they wouldn't worry.  I would then send out a Christmas card to all my friends and relatives letting them know where to find me.......  Wait a minute.  That's not "fleeing", I said.

"That's what you call....... MOVING"......  We laughed.  We smiled. 

Not sure if I was supposed to laugh or cry.  It was very empowering to want to "just leave".  Wait, didn't I do that already????  I moved to Colorado.  I left my husband. I went to Hawaii for a summer.  I LEFT.  Didn't I already "flee"?

As you can see, I don't really want to "FLEE".  It's the thought that made me smile.  The empowerment that I could.

In 2010, I ran a marathon.  My first.  The first.  Athens, Greece - The 2500th anniversary of the ORIGINAL running from Marathon to Athens.  On my wrist, I wore a paper band, with names of people for every mile.  That way, for that ONE mile, you thought of that person and their influence in your life.  At mile 20 - that is where they said the uphill climb ends, I wrote down my friends name.

She said to think of her at mile 20 - and at that moment, I was to think of fleeing. I could "flee"  - from mile 20 to 21.  Sometimes, all we need is a mile......

Thursday, January 12, 2012


If you are lucky, you come into this world with a mom & dad awaiting your first breath.  You are even more lucky if you have grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings also anxiously awaiting.  It's bonus when all those people have other people waiting to meet you. 

If all of the above is true - consider yourself one of the fortunate ones in life and go buy a lottery ticket.  Although, you've already won the lottery.  Look at that start to your life.

Then family changes.  I'm not talking about divorce.  I'm talking about marriages.

You grow up, you fall in love, you get married.  (No need to discuss heartbreaks at the this junction of the story).  You now have more family.  It's funny a piece of paper determines that some stranger is now your family. And not only is this stranger your family, their family is now your family. 

Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Siblings, Cousins, Husband/Wife.  Family.  Now let's add in the fact that divorce effects over 50% of all marriages.  Boom!  You just doubled your family.  Not halved - chances are mom/dad will get remarried.  You then have more 'family'. 

What about all the people along the way whom you have no "legal ties".  Nothing that officially states they are family?

Friends are the family you choose.

The first person you would call in the middle of the night when you have something good/bad/silly to share.  The person whom taught you how to drive a car.  Gave you your first drink.  Took you to your first concert.  R rated movie.  Held your hair back when you were throwing up.  Was at the hospital when you were born - or they were there when your first son was born, before anyone else. Picks you up at a train station in the middle of a foreign country.  And possibly even broke your heart.  The person whom loves your kids as if they were their own.  AND taught your kids how to drive a car. Or shoot a gun.

There are no titles for these people in our lives - we tell people "they are friends".  Aren't they family too?  Yes, they are also strangers whom we have changed into family.  We just don't have any blood or paper to tell us they are family

And life starts out with one family; then you add another.  THEN if you are really lucky, you add more people to your family  and it looks quite different from the family you thought you had.  In fact, it looks so much fuller.  What a great view.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Maybe the crab

The ultimate paradox in life.  Do you stay in your shell and risk suffocation or leave your shell and risk life and death?

Hermit crabs (and I believe most crabs) at some point in their existence must leave their shell or die.  Their body out grows the shell.  They must discard the old shell - go out and find a bigger shell or hide and wait for the new shell to grow.  While discarding the shell, they risk death.  Someone/something could eat them.  They could get stepped on or carried out to sea.

The risks are HUGE.

And our lives as people, are very much the same.  Although, with people, we don't all need to grow.  Some are very happy living in the same shell forever.  That's not a bad thing.  Most of us in life though, have to grow - or we will suffocate.  We need to take risks in order to find that new shell.

A few years ago, I was in Newport Beach, CA.  A friend's daughter and I were looking for shells, crabs, and sea creatures under rocks.  It's always fun to see what is living under a rock!  In fact, a few years before this same girl and I had found a squid!  Very cool.  (No wonder boys look under rocks - there is all sorts of interesting stuff there!)

We picked up a little hermit crab and it was crawling around on my hand.  Then the most amazing thing happened:  it walked right out of it's shell and kept going.  Off into the water - it never looked back.  We stood there amazed.  Neither one of us had ever seen anything like that.  A naked crab running away leaving a shell in my hand.  Shock.  We didn't know what to do or think.

Being the over-thinker I can be, I kept thinking about that crab.

Maybe the crab:
  • Gave me everything he had and that had to be enough
  • Knew I needed the protection more than him
  • Had to grow without his safety
  • Was sent to protect me, because my current shell wasn't strong enough
  • Thought I was the more powerful bigger crab
  • Thought it was better to surrender than to fight
  • Knew there a better, prettier, stronger shell waiting
  • Was about to suffocate and felt safe leaving his old life with me
  • Felt strong enough to go on
  • Wanted to get bigger
  • Had to leave his past behind
  • Knew that all you really need is on the inside anyway
  • Wanted me to follow him naked into the water
  • Didn't need a shell anymore
  • Knew sometimes you have to risk it all
I still have that shell.  I carry it in my purse.  

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I'm going to tri

I'm a list person.  LOVE how productive I can be and will be when I have a list.  The best lists are those I create and then shove into a drawer.  It's amazing what is accomplished if it is written down - then you pull that said list out of the drawer months later - and you can see what you did accomplish.

Of course, there are the lists you aren't supposed to put in a drawer:  Grocery List, Stuff to get to the boys school; places to stop on the way home.  (Wait, is this a list of lists??) 

I guess we could break lists down into a couple kinds:

Short term  (what I need to accomplish today)
Long term  (what I need to accomplish this week/month/year)
Really long term  (what I need to accomplish in my life)

Notice I don't say "I need to DO" or "I want to".  My lists are more facts.  This needs to be done - or better yet - This will be done.  I like that.

I'm not into resolutions.  I'm not going to change.  Have no intention of changing.  Yes, I can improve, I could lose weight, not drink so much wine, watch a few more movies, but chances are that's not going to happen.  (Goes back to you can't fail if your expectations are low!) :-) 

What I do for the year is make a list.  Sometimes it's a short list.  Sometimes it has a lot of goals on it.  Or things I need to do. 

For 2011 - and I laugh as I write this.  My goal for 2011 was to WORK more.  Yes, you read that right. And that was the only thing on my list.  Then in about February, I decided that WORK stood for World Opportunities R Knocking.  And no sooner than I made that acronym, well Hawaii came knocking on my door.  I thought there might be a few more "world adventures", but I accomplished my goal.  I did WORK more.  And here I thought I was talking about improving my financial situation. 

For 2012, I'm headed into 2012 - going with the 12 theme.  I'm starting out by saying - this is what it stands for:  12 months, 12 events, 12 non-profits and the 12 fascinating people I meet along the way.  And if past indicators are a predictive of future behavior, what I thought that this was going to mean, will end up meaning something completely different.  But for now, I'm going to tri........