Monday, November 19, 2012

"The worst moment of his life. Ever"

We all know, I'm not on the parenting band-wagon, of "my poor child".  You can not instill WANT in people.  You cannot instill "determination".  It's either that, or they will they learn it.  Or they won't.

Hockey season is more than under way.  It's full blown.

I battled back and forth if this article should be titled "Perspective" or the one I picked. 


I play the "mom friend" game really well.  I have great incredible friends from all walks of life.  My "mom friends"  - well, we are just outside the "A group".  We are just fine on whom we are with our kids and the role we lead in their lives.  We are also quite comfortable at not playing the "game" of "needing" friends.  We are the group of "non-friends". (more on that later)

My soapbox for a moment:  THIS IS YOUR CHILD'S LIFE:  NOT YOURS"

They are going to fall down.  They are going to have broken hearts.  They are going to fail.  LET THEM.  The biggest injustice we are doing to our kids today is not letting them fail.  You will learn more from failing than you will from succeeding.  It sucks.  We all know it.

Yes, we want to protect our children from that hurt.  When really, we aren't protecting them.  We are hurting them.  They have to learn it.  We can't have them "not learn it".  Then there will be injustice in the world.  The kids think that everything should always go their way.  My, oh, my are they in for a rude awaking in the real world.

UNLESS, of course, they go create it.  If THEY create the next chapter in their life, even if they fail, they will succeed.  They will know more about them.

The conversation that led us to this discussion:

Me:  (to hockey mom from last year):  What team is Bo on this year?

Her:  He didn't make a team.  There were no goalie spots loft.

Me:.  Oh.  I thought you went to another team

Her:  No.  "This has been the worst thing that has ever happened to him."  He's playing stick and puck with with 4th graders.

Me:  Oh

What I wanted to say?  "Then he's had a pretty good life and should consider himself lucky"

I didn't say it.

After she left.  I did turn to the mom sitting next to me.  I asked if it would be wrong of me to say the above statement.  I added, yes, it does suck.  But really?  Would have been wrong of me to say?

The other mom?  It sucks.  (they are friends, so I know she heard what I said). 

Me:  Yes. It sucks.  But really, the "worst thing that has ever happened to him???"

Get real.  Tell your son congratulations.

There are stories after stories about bad things in children's childhood.  I don't believe ONE has ever mentioned not making a team.   Yes it sucks.  When you want something and you can't have it.  Yuck.  That feeling will never change.

Should we review the list:

Divorce (this is a subject for another blog, but only if the parents are acting liking douche's - divorce isn't always a bad thing.  Living with two people whom hate each other, that is a bad thing)
Childhood cancer
Loss of a child/parent
On and on..... there are tons of things out there to make the moment "the worst thing ever"

When your son/daughter doesn't make a team?  Yes, it sucks.  The worst thing that has ever happened to them??? 

Count your blessings......

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