Tuesday, June 26, 2012

She finished well

Another moment in life.

While training for my first marathon, during the end, it was brutal.  Brutal in that all I wanted to do was cry.  Everything made me cry.  My periods stopped.  Every song on the radio made me cry.  EVERYTHING made me cry.

Stop it.  Stop crying.  Save those tears.  Save them for the finish line.  The finish line  - IN THE OLYMPIC STADIUM in GREECE in ATHENS - you know the moment you have been waiting for.  THEN, you can cry.

 Had it under control.  In fact, SO under control - the moment finally happened.  I ran 5 hours.  I'm in Athens, Greece and NOTHING.  NOTHING.  No feelings.  No emotions.  NOTHING.  The only thing that entered my mind?  "Holy Shit.  I did it".  Seriously, all I could do was cry for the last 3 months and at this moment, here it is, all I get is "NOTHING".

That was the finish line.

What I forget, and you didn't know - were the two moments that did make me cry.  Not at the finish line, just along the way.  Those unexpected moments in life that make you cry.

Mile 18.  My arm was chaffing.  And I couldn't get my chaffing cream open.  I'm standing at mile 18, asking the medic to cut open my cream.  We are in the middle of Greece.  We finish it all - I'm ready to go.  He's says to me:  "Carry On".  What?  I say.  ' Carry On".   Carolyn and I have always said that to each other - no matter where you are, what you are doing, or whenever you need me:  "Carry On"  - I'll come get you.  And here is this complete stranger medic guy telling me to "Carry On".  He had said it twice, I smiled, and knew Carolyn was there with me.  I can make it now.

Mile 9.

I can tell this story better than I can write it.  This moment changed my life forever. I know, "I could NEVER do that".  WHATEVER, it is.  I'm here to tell you.  YES YOU CAN.  I said the same thing.  I can't do it.  I don't want to.  THERE is the difference.  It's okay NOT to want to do something.  YOU CAN DO IT.  You have to want it.

I'm at mile 9.  I look up.  And suddenly, I don't know where he was, but suddenly he was in front of me.  In all pink.  A pink shirt.  Pink Hat, Pink socks.  You know, the pink. The pink.  And it says on the back of his shirt in big bold letters  "SHE FINISHED WELL".

I only hope she knew how much he loved her.

It still makes me cry.

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