Thursday, February 13, 2014


How come everyone wants to go first?

Be the first to do things.  The first in a competition.

Sports, Debate team, piano competitions, and whatever other "organized competitive" events - I get wanting to be first.  It's an award.  A prize.  In fact, my oldest son, in a hockey tournament said he would rather come in third than second.  His philosophy:  When you are second, you lost to first.  When you are third, at least you beat the fourth ranked team.

Then there is first at "doing new things".  The explorers of the world.  The risk takers.  I guess not everyone wants to go first.  There is a whole personality group type out there whom would much rather someone else go first.  Let them figure things out, then they can follow along.  But not all whom go first succeed.  Sometimes, it is the second one or the third one whom try whom actually make it - they learned the mistakes of the first explorers.

What about being second in something where you had no choice?

The second child
The second chosen for the job, because the first one turned it down.
The second wife?

My dear friend whom lost his wife seven years ago is now married again and has a baby.  Granted this week was a really hard one - it was not only the anniversary of the first wife's death, but also her birth.  The current wife fell apart.

Part of it is hormones, they do have a newborn in the house.  The other part?  Why does everyone continue to want to "think about him" when she died?

I sent a text to her saying "I know today might be hard for you, but just remember we love you."  Not we love you too.  Just we love you.

She went too far.  She crossed a line with all the friends; her words to everyone "I know it was sad.  It was a horrible day, but let's look at how I have been blessed."  This wasn't about her.  I said to her, "People weren't saying they aren't glad to have you.  People are just sad, because not only did your husband lose a wife, everyone lost a friend."

I don't think it helped.

She cannot get over the fact that "She came in second".  I received a text from her at two in the morning on how sad she really was.  While she said she was fine before.

"Welcome to the I don't like February club".  It will get easier with time.  He doesn't love you too - He loves you.  Also.

I'm not one to like the middle of things.  I definitely don't like playing second place.  You just have to remember it's not a competition.  Unless you are competing, there are no prizes.

"Being someone's first love is great.  It's being their last love that is priceless....."

1 comment:

  1. One of the best shows on TV (in my opinion) addresses this might check it out. Be sure to have tissue ready. Maybe something said will give your friend another way to look at her situation, and know she isn't the only one....

    Designing Women...Second Season, Eposide 14, aired January 11, 1988..."Second Time Around"