What does your husband do?

For some reason, last summer, I heard the question a lot.  "What does your husband do?".

I don't remember hearing the question the summers before.  I always answer "I don't have a husband'.  Then, without fail, the question is "Are you a teacher?"

The question was asked many times last summer.

Although we know what they are really asking.  "How do you pull this off?".  Only by saying "What does your husband do?", well, seems a more polite way to ask.

The truth is, this is EXACTLY how I wanted my summers to end up.  I just didn't figure out what I wanted the other 9 months to look like.  We all have to be careful what we put out into the universe - be very specific.  I knew what I wanted out of my summers.  I just wasn't sure what I wanted the other 9 months of the year.

Yes, I could have had that husband.  The one where he keeps working and the kids and his wife go to the beach for the summer.   He joins us with Carolyn's husband for a week.  Then we get the rest of the summer with the kids at the beach.  We meaning Carolyn and I.

Only my picture doesn't look like that.

It's a little more clear now.  And my husband?   He's not here right now.  He will be here soon.  But, until he joins us.......  I"m not quite sure what he does.......

Just like that

They "meaning - those whom are wiser than the rest of us" tell us, it's ALL gone.

All of it.  The carpools.  The field trips.  The, "the kids" wanting us to be around.  Just like that.  It's over.

While in the middle of it, that is not the way it seems.  There are good days.  There are bad days.  Highs and lows.  The days that make you want to hit your head against the wall.  It doesn't matter if it hurts.  Just keep going.

They suddenly you blink.

Yes, you are right.  Keep hitting your head against the wall.  Do it ONE MORE TIME.  But after the next blink, well, you realize, "they" (whomever they may be) may have been right.

It's over.

Just like that.

The funny about this time is: you don't believe them.  Elementary School  High School College.  It lasts FOREVER.  While you are in it.  While you are in the middle of it all.

Then they tell you the next "phase" of your life:  "It's going to go so fast, you can't even believe it".

Do our brains stop learning?  Do we stop wanting to fulfill MORE of our lives?   What is the trigger that makes us want MORE and not enjoy WHERE we are in our lives?

"They were right".  I believe them now.  I was wrong.  Because, just like that I was....

Words With Friends

Computer games.  Video games.  Not really my thing.  I'm in front of my computer a vast majority of the working day.  When I'm done working, I don't want to be in front of the computer.

It's hard though - I do like my photo books.  Or writing on my blog.  But once again, I have to be at a desk/table looking at a computer screen. I don't want to be there if I'm not working, hence the reason I then don't play the games.

I get invitations to play all sorts of on-line games.  Just have no desire.

Except for one.

Really, I don't like playing that either.  It's more of a puzzle.  I can also play on my phone. I don't play on the computer - I really wouldn't like it then.

Words With Friends.

That's the game.  Basically, it's the online version of Scrabble.  Only it's even better - it will tell you when you have made up a word and won't let you play it.  Although, that can be a downfall too.  I had the letters for the word "Huevos" today.  It told me that word was not acceptable.  I guess you can't play in two languages.

I'm not sure when I got it on my phone.  I think it was after the boys got tablets last Christmas. Nolan would play WWF (Words with Friends) with my mom.  I thought it was pretty cool way for a grand-kid and his grandmother to connect.

Then I played a game with Nolan.  Only we would do something where we were both playing on his tablet, we would just pass it back and forth.  Then one day, it was on my phone.  I'm sure it was Nolan playing the game with his Lalo.  Then of course, it "syncs" with the e-mail address on your phone/phone numbers.  Ah, the magic of the Internet.  ''hi''- from Duncan  (this is from my "editor")

The truth is, I SUCK at Scrabble.  I'm not much better either with WWF.  Only, I can stop playing and do other things then come back and play.  Usually too, after about four plays, I'm tired of playing for several days.  You can also have several games going at the same time - against different people.  Which I don't know if that is better or worse.

Pretty much I now have four rotating games going on at once. I stop. I start. I play tons of 3 letter words.  I'm not very strategic.  I forget to play for weeks at a time. I play with a variety of opponents. Nolan, my mom, a girl I met once at a bar and she is friends with friends of mine and we are friends on Facebook and I'm not quite sure why we play WWF with each other, but we do. Then people come and go - a friend of Duncan's and Peter Pan.

Peter Pan and I actually just started playing this game together.  He's really smart.  In one of those bookish ways.  Only he doesn't show the whole world he's as smart as he really is.  But, I knew.  I also knew I should be intimidated playing this game with him, because all this time he thinks he's intimidated by me.

We played our first game recently.  We were playing rapidly. I was sitting at a hockey game in which my son wasn't playing, but had to still be there. Strong words, many letters strategically placed.  Just like that, he was 200 points ahead of me.

He sends me a message  "Want to give up now?"

I reply, "I haven't given up in over 10 years, why would I give up now?"

I play a couple of more words.  I then message him, "We are probably too far apart, should probably call it."

The next message from him, "Are we still talking about the game?"  "I think we should see it through to the end".

He won.  I was down to one letter. He beat me by 266 points.

The game then notified me,   "PeterPan won" "PeterPan has requested a rematch".

I'm not sure if we are still talking about Words With Friends.

Boredom

I always wonder "What is going to be enough for me?" Is there actually a time in my life I will say, "No thanks, I don't want to go"

I'm thinking no.  I wish I wouldn't want to go.  That right here, right now was enough for me.

School is going well for the boys.  Hockey season is in full blown action (I have four hockey games to attend this weekend).  Work is going well.  I've actually been dating a great guy for about month now.  (He's age appropriate and a personal trainer - hoping he will get me back in shape).

Then, what happens?

It's either a phone call.  A text.  An e-mail.  "If I send you a ticket, will you come to an island in the middle of the Caribbean for the weekend?"  Says, Peter Pan.......

Oh Peter, how do you know just when to call???  No, not the Pan from the Pacific.  The original Peter Pan.
The funny thing is, I actually had to think about it for a moment.  It had to be discussed with the "Board of Directors" (my girlfriends) - as we were wondering if Hope would want to come along.  Or if this could truly just be a fun trip.

Okay, I'm calling your bluff this time Peter - I want to come.  Send me the ticket.  I actually have NO hockey games next weekend, and the boys are with their dad.  Nothing to rearrange.

By the way, my passport expired in September.  And this is why I always have a passport!!!  Valid!  And with me.

Or maybe it's why I have a new favorite island - one that doesn't require a passport.  Too bad that Pan can't be alone and still has the old girlfriend living with him.  I could just go to that island.

Or maybe I just need to be okay and realize I'm not bored.

Who am I trying to convince??

Oh Peter, then the same thing happens - you get scared when I say yes......  And the ticket won't arrive, but next time I know I won't have to ask my friends, I will just say yes.  Wondering why this time, I thought it was going to be different.  I guess I was bored.....

Arguments

Does anyone actually WIN an argument?

In the history of all arguments has ANYONE EVER convinced the other party that YOUR way of thinking was better than THEIR way of thinking?  I'm thinking no.

What do we do?  I haven't had a "good" argument in a long time.  I told Carolyn, well, except for my ex-husband the only person I've argued with in the past 13 years is well, Duncan.  He's a teenager now, he knows everything.  That doesn't really count as an argument.

IN MY OPINION, when people argue, this is what they are saying  "I'm right, you are wrong"  "I completely don't understand why you don't think the way I do".

What do we do?

The boys dad and I have the same argument year after year.  The price of hockey versus every other sport in the world and being well rounded.  He presents his side.  I present my side.  We have this SAME argument every year.

I know, no matter what, he's NEVER going to think the way I think.  There is also nothing he can say or do to convince me to his way of thinking.

How do you draw the line the sand?  Much less WHERE do you draw the line in the sand.....

Every year he tells me his wishes for the boys and their aspiring hockey careers.  I have learned to just keep my mouth shut.  I want those same wishes.  Every year I wish he understood my side.  He doesn't understand why I don't understand the way he thinks.  We both want the same thing, we just have different methods on how we were going to get there.

The funny thing is, we both want the same thing.  We just both want the accomplishment of the goal in different methods....

I have another example:

Politics
Abortion

Both sides.

You are right.  I'm wrong.  You are wrong.  I'm right.

Can't we start in another place?  Can't we find something we both agree on SOMETHING?

I'm firmly pro-choice.  Yet, I believe abortion is wrong.  Aren't we all?  Don't you think we can all start there?  I don't think there is ANYONE out there whom agrees with abortion.  Can't we start there?

I'm not going to convince you I'm right.  You aren't going to convince me you are right.

What can you do/say to convince me?

We are both right.  Today.  We both agree we don't want a certain thing to happen.  I'm doing what I can to help prevent happenings.  I'm not sure where you are in your statements.  But can't we both start at the same point in the argument?

Otherwise, it's just two people arguing.  I would much rather say, I was wrong.  Or maybe, we were both right. Because, arguments don't lead any place. Wait, maybe that was we were both wrong.

Toe Rings

Every summer I get a toe ring.  I wear it on the toe next to my big toe on my left foot.

This tradition started about 14 years ago.  I figured if a $5 toe ring helped me hang on to my youth, well, it was worth it.

Each year, there would be a new toe ring.  Toe rings find you - you can look for one and really want one. But when you are in some musty souvenir shop at the beach, well, that's the one you have to have.  It found you.

My first one - I say it was from Don Henley - I was still married.  Carolyn and I had just been to his concert at Red Rocks. I found it in a gift shop in Morrison, CO.

The toe ring is worn until real shoes have to be worn.  Then it actually gets annoying - either that or the shoes get annoying.

Sometimes they fall off.  They disappear.  Sometimes a cute guy buys you one and it serves as a "reminder of love".  Much like a teenage promise ring.  Only a summer love ring.  Or a short term ring.  Or a reminder of the one guy whom never had the guts to actually buy you a toe ring.  He knew it meant so much more than it really being just a $5 toe ring.

The year I "ran off to Hawaii in the winter" - well, I bought a toe ring.  Sterling silver.  At a toe ring store.  A store completely dedicated to toe rings.  This toe ring cost me $40.  There was one in there that cost $1500.

I joked that I would take that as my wedding ring one day.  Just an exchange of toe rings.

My $40 toe ring - I put on that March and wore it all last summer.  I also wore it this past summer.  At one point this summer, I tried to take it off.  It was bent.  My feet were swollen.  It wouldn't come off.

Yesterday, it slipped right off.  I guess summer is officially over.  My love for Hawaii and the summer is not over.  Just the ending of a season.

One day, I'll get my permanent toe ring.  The only ring I've ever really wanted.

Sneaking In

Thursday night, Nolan's hockey team was participating in a fundraiser.  Selling programs at the professional hockey game.

The great thing about this, is that 100% of the money raised by selling the programs goes directly to the team.  So, if you are in Denver and buy a sports program (I think they are three dollars) - the team gets all that money.  This fundraiser usually raises about $1000 towards team expenses.  Think travel costs, paying extras for the coaches, etc.  

Each family has to pay "team fees'.  This is in addition to the club costs, equipment cost, all other costs.  It usually runs about $400 per family.  By participating in fundraisers, it lowers the total cost per family.

I'm all about the fundraisers - rather than just paying the money.  Especially the ones where the kids have to participate too.  

This year, there was also a "50/50 raffle" at the game.  50% of the proceeds from the tickets go to some lucky winner - 50% of the proceeds go to Colorado Youth Sports.  Since this is a "raffle" - it's actually considered gambling, so us parents had to sell the tickets.  

3 for $5

10 for $10

40 for $20

I was assigned the restaurant on the club level.  A bit boring, but fun still.  The best part was the break between 1st and 2nd period.  Everyone came out of their seats.  Out of their boxes.  Everyone had had a couple beers.  It was fun. 

A great group of guys from Detroit bought $80 worth of tickets.  It was their first time in Denver.  They loved our city. They wanted to tell us how great our city is.  I really hope one of them won.  They were fun.  One guy in another group, so wanted to ask me out.  If he would have asked, I would have gone.  Bravery always gets points in my book.

The kids were done.  The adults were done half way through second period.  I left the club level (which has security at all the entrances) to take back my equipment.  I turn it in, Turn the money in and go find Nolan.

The pot was worth $5000 - Some lucky winner walked away with $2500.

Everyone was gathering, so they could escort us out.  You see, we didn't have seats.  We were supposed to leave.  Key word being, well SUPPOSED.  

"Hey Nolan, want to go watch the rest of the game at the restaurant?".  "Sure" he replies.  "Okay, we have to leave the group, before they escort us out.  The two of us go to the restaurant.  

The restaurant was crowded.  Standing room only.  The game was sold out.  The second period ends.

"Hey, want to see if we can sneak on to the club level? I was talking to one of the ladies watching the elevator, maybe she will let us in".  "Okay", he replies.  After all, he is my son.

We get to the club level - only we came off a different elevator.  There was an elderly lady working at security.  She says, "Do you have your tickets".  "No" I replied.  "We were working the 50/50 raffle at the restaurant" "Oh, go ahead, the restaurant is that way" - letting us in.  Truthfully, I went to ask and just see if she would let us back in.  Only, I didn't need to keep explaining.  She just let us in. 

We smile as we head down the hall towards the restaurant on club level.  Giggling the whole way.

Watching the huge jumbo-tron - standing in between two sets of box seats - it was still the break between periods. I probably don't even need to tell the next part.  If you've been reading the blog, you know what happens.  

One of the guys in the box seats had bought tickets from me.  I said "Are you going to invite us in?".  

We watched the third period from the box seats.  There was free food and drinks.  We thought that might have been taking it too far.

Our team lost.  Against their biggest rival.  That's okay. 

As we walked back to the car - and raced elevator against the stairs (he took the stairs, I took the elevator) - we tied.  We laughed.  

"That was a LOT of fun" Yes.  Yes it was.

So when I have to come get you because you and your friend are kicked out some place for sneaking in, well, I'll understand.  You won't be in trouble either.  As I know where you learned how to sneak in.