Dread

Ever have those days when you "DREAD" getting out of bed or "DREAD" doing something?

We all do.  In the winter, I sometimes dread getting out of bed, just thinking "do I really have to do everything I have to do today?".  I don't WANT to work, take the kids to hockey, cook, clean, etc.- none of it.  If I get out of bed, I will have to do it all.  I DON"T want to!!! 

Luckily, my days of "dread" don't last long.  A day here.  A day there.  It's not depression.  It's normal.  Don't we all want to just play???

Days of "dread" on the island are completely different.  I wake up way too early.  I now have a rule.  I won't get out of bed until after 5 am.  4am is still the middle of the night - I don't care when you go to bed!  Now, when I wake up, I have to lay there for a bit.  (Usually, I'm a get out of bed immediately kind of person).  Truly, I think I'm scared to get out of bed. Because I know, I will not sit down until 10pm at night. 

I know what you are thinking.  She has all afternoon at the beach!!!  I work until 11 or 12.  Of course, now I run Duncan to Jr Lifeguard training at the beach (Kahaluu Beach Park) that is trying to kill me.  (Yes, it is ironic - maybe my own son will get to swim out next time to get me!) at 9.  I then get back and work some more. He's done at noon.  It really works out nicely in our day.  (More on that later) I then get back and work some more.

At times, we all try to be something we are not.  I try on a daily basis to think I'm the type of person who can lay on the beach and read a book.  Sometimes, I can sit and read, but that's for about 20 minutes.  Then I'm playing volleyball with the kids.  Boogie boarding, swimming laps, going for run, you get the idea.  I'm doing everything but sitting still. 

Then, there is all that other normal stuff - grocery store, laundry, cooking.  You know life.  The good/bad thing about life on the island:  you get TWO FULL DAYS, in every day.  You work and you play. 

In the morning, I have to lay there for bit in bed to think about the day ahead.  There is that sense of dread.  Dread of getting out of bed.  Instead of dreading the mundane things of every day life, my first real thought?  My "dread of the day" - how am I going to survive this day?  Survive in meaning, I hope I pack enough in, and I hope I enjoy it enough.  I don't want to waste a single minute - I hope I still have it in me.  I think I dread the thought that I might not still have it in me.

You would think I would learn to just, well, forget that thought, I better just go be whom I am.  Dread and all......