There are no words to describe my feelings for today.
I am happy. HAPPY.
There are a million self help books out there. There are millions of counselors out there. We hear things all the time about "being true to ourselves" - make things better, live, breathe, feel, blah, blah blah... ;-) Okay, maybe not "blah, blah, blah" more like "yadda, yadda, yadda". On and on and on.
What you really need is: do something that makes you happy. HAPPY. Not powerful, not fun, not thrilling - HAPPY. When is he last time you did something that made you happy? I think we equate the thought "if you aren't happy, you are unhappy." I think, it's "you are okay - then you are happy or not happy"
Today, I am happy. It was Nolan's 13th birthday. And, I'm not an UNHAPPY person. I'm not sad. Yes, I have bad days, we all do. I don't usually stay sad. Truly, I'm a simple girl with simple wants and needs. I want to be happy.
That's the really funny thing. I'm always happy. BUT, today, I was HAPPY. Today, there, well, became here. Duncan (my oldest son) arrived last night. Lily has spent the last three nights with us. Duncan popped right up on the paddle board.
I ACTUALLY WAS UP ON THE PADDLE BOARD FOR 10 or so minutes (more on that later) - AND I DIDN'T HURT MYSELF (or anyone else for that matter). I look heavier in the pictures than I wish I looked, but I'm on the board - AND I HAVE A PICTURE.
That's not what made me happy. I was happy before we got to the beach.
I woke up with my sons here. My summer daughter here too. There were puppies up the street at the "mean dog" house. There were fresh Lycees waiting for me around the corner from the neighbor. There was chaos in this house and no drama. Chaos - the where are the pancakes? When are we going to the beach? The I haven't brushed my hair in two weeks. Boxers shorts on the back lanai - because why would we go inside to change? Oh, and mom, I forgot, can we go back and get my shoes, I forgot those too. There was love and contentment.
Nolan and I were in the truck to take Lily home this morning (she sleeps in the room next to mine) and I said "I haven't been this happy in a long time". He replied, "I didn't know you were unhappy". "I wasn't unhappy. I'm just that much more happier today." Right now. This second.
Here in the real world..........
(Yes, I know - it should be just "much happier", but the radio station in Kona all the time says "we are going to make your day "more better". If I can be "more better", I can be "more happier).......