The National Enquirer Called

They said "You win"  We couldn't even make this stuff up.

We are all adults here.  Let's put it all on the table. 

The boyfriend has an old girlfriend living at his house.  I've known this since she moved in, in October.   We live 3,000 miles apart.  We all understand.

You also understand, I'm going to see other people too.  We all understand.

Now we have kids involved.  I have told my sons the truth from the very beginning.  You weren't so wise.  Kids are resilient - in fact, we are all resilient, IF we all know the truth - were everyone stands. 

My daughter likes you because you have two cute sons her age.  Yes, she does.  She also likes me, well, because, I'm me.  Wait, now she doesn't like my sons, and wants to hang out with me.  Which is it?  Does she like my sons?  Does she like me? 

I've told you before, I love your daughter, but what I really care about is whom her dad loves. 

Sometimes (and yes I realize I use that word over and over again), we deflect our pain and suffering into another.  Isn't that why we can play the "victim"?  It's not really our fault.  Someone else made us do it.  We have to do it because......  I wasn't strong enough because of my childhood or my brother or my boss or my mother-in-law - they all beat me down.  It was their fault. 

Still believing that story?

I can't do this.

RIGHT NOW.

WITH YOU.

Those four words are really important in a conversation.  Usually, we all stop short.  Of course we do.  It's easier.  We don't want to hurt feelings.  We want it all to be nice.  Life isn't always nice.

I'm going to try. 

Wait, wasn't that my theme for this year?  I completely forgot about it, until I just wrote those words.  I'm going to try - except I spelled it "tri". 

Tri - three?  Three chances?  One more time?  "Tri" again? 

Right now - I'm walking away. Please don't ask me to stay.  Don't ask me to be more than I can, because you can't be more than you are.  You can't say RIGHT NOW.  Instead, you keep saying "You have to have Lily be on my side.  I need you to help make this situation better". 

Guess what?  I can't.  I won't.  I can't do this.  On a train.  On a boat.  On an island.  With you.  Right now.

The National Enquirer called, they said "you win" - we couldn't make this stuff up.....

Do you ever really like someone, like you do

when you are 12? 

What, really, is there to like?  Do you like to do the same things I like to do?  Oh, yeah, and are you cute?  And I mean cute by, when you show up at the beach, do you have the cool toys?  And like to play?  What's not to like?

Then life gets confusing.  Because by next summer, you might have liked someone else.  You then arrive this year with last years feelings expecting the last year hasn't happened.  But, what if, you show up, and once again, just want to play?  You know, the play in the water.  The made up games we used to play.  Imagine.  Dream.  The laughter.

This year, I might like you.  You know.  Like you, like you.  Volleyball on the beach isn't the same.  It makes me smile differently when I see you dive for that ball.  It might make me like you more.  In a different way than how I thought I liked you.  In the better way. 

Suddenly, we can't spend the night at each others house.  Well, cause you're a girl and I'm a boy.  Our parents said no this year. 

It only took me 4 days to talk to you.  Even though, just like you, I've been waiting all year to talk to you.  I'm just too shy to admit it.  Aren't we always too shy to admit it?

I hope we are always friends. 

My mom has always friends.  Friends she met years ago.  Friends that are male.  Friends that are female.  As she says, friends arrive in all shapes and sizes in the most unexpected places.  My mom collects friends. Your dad does too. 

She told me, this year is going to be different.  I got a long on and on explanation of what is NOT going to happen this summer.  Then next thing I know, we are sitting with you watching the sunset with your dad and my mom.  She said wasn't going to happen this year.  She was wrong.  She's okay with that - being wrong thing.  We all make mistakes.

Mom has these friends that she met one summer and she says it was 25 years ago.  They are always friends.  Two brothers.  We know those brothers.  It's hard to think that we all might still be friends 25 years from now.  But your dad says the same thing:  "I hope you know these boys forever" 

You never know.

Stranger things have happened.  We might be those brothers. 

I can't make this stuff up

Any of it.

I don't watch television.  Well, sometimes.  I don't watch reality TV.  There is no way their life is better than mine.  AND most importantly, I really don't need the drama that I think these shows provide.

Life is good.  Life is bad.  It has it's ups and downs.  That's the way it is.  Comes and goes.

There is a country song out by a young guy titled "Storm Warning".  I sorta feel that is what people should be given before I come into their life.  I also feel, well, I should be giving a warning about what is going to happen in mine.  Don't you feel that way? Some type of warning.....

Last time I was in Hawaii I was looking for a "sign".  A sign on what I was supposed to do with my life, NEXT.  You know, that sign, that points you down the hall and says "enter here".  My, oh, my, don't we wish life was really that simple.

THIS time, I'm not sure whom needed the warning - me or the island.  SHE's BAAAAAACCCCK.  I heard the island whisper.....

Today is Wednesday, I've been here approximately 36 hours.  I've met my boyfriends old girlfriend, whom is living in his guest house.  I've been on a board.  I've snorkeled.  I've run.  Someone offered to buy Nolan and I a drink, because he said we looked happy - and wanted to share the joy.  We watched a sunset. I've worked. We've spent 3 hours in the emergency room getting 9 stitches in my right foot from falling off the board.  And I can't breathe!!!

AND TONIGHT:  the biggest sign yet:  We are at Huggo's - watching the sunset.  Our waitress Amanda made the comment about today being the summer solstice.  I said isn't that tomorrow?  (My birthday is June 12 - so I always remember it by being June 21)..  Instead of telling me "no, it's today".  She's replies:  "Well, it is Leap Year".........

Not sure what kind of sign/warning that is/was, but I heard it.

Packing hopes and dreams

This time last year, I was getting ready for a similar journey.  Packing up my house.  My life and going to a new place.  The experience of new adventures.  And OH the list.  The list of things that HAD to be done:

Clean the house
Get rid of stuff we never use
Donate
Store the "important stuff" in a "safe" place

I'm doing the same thing, AGAIN.  To the same place - well, not exactly, going to live NEXT DOOR.  How do I explain this?  "Neighbor Joe" - I'm living in his house.  Technically, that would now make me the neighbor to my "other house".  These are confusing times.

Are things ever the same NEXT time?  Of course not.  Time.  Perception. Wisdom.  Those things have all changed.  Actually, I guess, things are the same, it's US (people) whom change.  Hopefully.

My oldest son and I were talking about our upcoming adventure.  He says "I can't wait to......"  and mentioned several things we did last summer.  He made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with anything for the "tourist".  Everything he wanted to do - those were the "moments" that made the trip. We then spoke about how things might be different this year.  He says to me "Mom, I really don't like your attitude".  Yes, that made me smile too......

Life is made up of "moments".  When we look back, we remember those moments.  Then the stories blur.  The moments stick out.  THEN, that becomes the story.  In reality, it was one afternoon.  What starts as a "chapter" of your book, 30 years later, has moved from a chapter, to a page, to a paragraph, to a sentence, to a footnote.  Or a moment.  Full circle.

Here I am, packing.  Cleaning.  Creating my list of all the things I'm doing this summer.  Same time, next year.  Only THIS year, I'm going to........

I'm going to get back on that board.
I have no activity plans
I'm running a half marathon with my youngest son
I'm packing a pair of running shoes and a pair of flip flops (those I bought last year in Kona) and the shoes I wear on the plane.
Two swim suits - okay, I'm lying, three.
We are eating poke every day.
Be tired of avocados
Not worry about my list of - wait, make that any list of, well, anything.

Because, I learned this lesson already.  You can plan it.  You can not plan it.  You can be disappointed.  You can end up somewhere that wasn't on the list.  You can pack high heels, dresses, hopes, dreams and lots of other stuff in that suitcase.  And we all know, maybe it would be better to leave that suitcase at baggage claim.

And, by the way, that "important stuff" you put in a "safe" place - you might as well have dropped that at baggage claim too.  You already have the "important stuff" with you.  You knew that......

Season Premier - Coming Soon

When we last left you, Leasa was leaving the Big Island.  She had delivered a statement.  A message. 

During the off-season - there was a visit.  A fun-filled glorious weekend of a visit. 

Last year's feelings, this year's reality.

We will give you another hint - the house in Denver is rented out.  There is a house waiting in Kona.  Not sure if EVERYONE is waiting or not.  

Stay tuned......

Season Premier is Monday.

You have 20 seconds

That's all you will need. 

You have 20 seconds, go.........

What would you do if someone told you, "you have 20 seconds".  Would you ask questions?  Would you go?  Would you freeze?  What if they whispered, "you only have to be brave for 20 seconds."  Would the world open for you??

20 seconds.  That's it.  Not 30, heck that's almost a minute.  And well, a minute, might as well be 5.  And 5, that's almost an hour and next thing you know, you are having to be brave all day. 

Not this time.  Twenty seconds.  "You only have to be brave for twenty seconds".

If you haven't seen the movie, "We bought a Zoo" - you have no idea what I'm talking about.  If you have, you might get this post.  If you haven't, get the movie.  Tonight.

We think we have to be brave ALWAYS.  No way.  Just for twenty seconds.  There is a great line in the movie:  Matt Damon says "I had about 15 seconds of braveness left".   He just had to make it through those next 15 seconds. 

Doesn't that make life seem SO much better?  20 seconds.  That's it.  Not for the rest of your life.  Just 20 seconds. 

The next time you have to be brave.  Risk something.  Or risk it all.  You'll know the answer in 20 seconds. 

I'm not telling you you won't fail.  Just you will know sooner than later.

And you know what, you will always know you tried. You have 20 seconds.

GO

I'm just not ready for that

Last summer while getting the house ready to leave, we boxed up tons of stuff.  We donated old clothes, got rid of stuff we hadn't used in a while and boxed up the valuables and clutter. 

One of the bags/boxes was full of Nolan's stuffed animals.  He was 11 turning 12 last summer.  Still very much a little boy at heart.  Yes, he's the cool hockey goalie.  The cute boy at school whom all the older girls think is cute.  And still a little boy. 

He was a collector of monkeys for years.  We have lots of monkeys.  And he still had this great fish Nemo.  In addition to the other animals on the bed.

Upon returning from the summer,  we un-boxed MOST of the stuff.  The bag of stuffed animals went into his room.  A few months later, they were all still in the bag.  I asked if it was time to put them away.  As in, put the bag in the attic or crawl space.  He said yes.

I guess if you've now kissed a girl, it's time to put your stuffed animals away.  (and I just realized Nolan is now a follower of this blog - sorry Nolan, it's part of the story!)

This summer we are getting the house ready again.  Nolan mentions, "You know the little girl whom is going to come stay in our house this summer?  Maybe she would like my old stuffed animals".  "That is very sweet Nolan.  She would probably like some of them.  Others, I'm not quite ready to give away". 

What?  He smiled.  If you've seen Toy Story 3, you know there comes a time when they have to go to a new home. 

Maybe some of them can go.  Last summer, I had suggested we take Nemo with us and let him go in the ocean.  The reply was "Mom, he would just sink".  ;-)  I do laugh when I think of this stuffed Nemo fish floating around the bay.   But, Nemo's the one I really can't get rid of.

Maybe I'll be ready next summer........