Being the Bigger Person

It's hard to be the bigger person.  Not give into pettiness.  I believe it's a daily challenge for most people NOT to play the game.

What is easy?  To fight fire with fire.  I'm good at winning things.  Only most of the time, you realize if you have to fight for something, it's really not fighting for.  Standing up for what you believe in, is worth fighting it.

SO, we have an ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend whom just cringes when I walk up.  Rightly so, I think I would cringe as well if I had to see a boyfriends ex-girlfriend every day.  Wait, scratch that.  I wouldn't cringe.  After all, if I'm the one with the boyfriend, why would an EX girlfriend of MY boyfriend cause me any concern?  I'm living with him after all.

If I were insecure and immature, maybe.  As mentioned previously, the teenagers around here are acting more mature than some adults.

Aren't we all a bit insecure?  Of course we are.  Everyone has different levels of insecurity -

Maybe it's:

•  trying something new
• calling someone for the first time
• asking a stranger directions
• Admitting you miss someone
• Making a right turn, instead of a left, because you've always made a left.
• leaving the house some days
• leaving the house without your car
• trusting yourself - as you know you have failed yourself before.

The list could go on and on.  On and on for different people and different things.

But from someone on the OUTSIDE of your problems, it would be easy for me to tell you what to do.

(Don't you hate it when people do that???)  You know, tell you the way you SHOULD behave and the way you SHOULD act.

I think that is the problem.  We listen to other people.  Instead of acting with kindness and realizing even if they did hurt us, that's the past, and there is nothing we can do about it now.

Most of the time, other people don't really disappoint us, it's OUR expectation of others that disappoints us.  Yes, sometimes people do disappoint.  They tell you they will do something and they don't do it.  That is disappointing. 

A dear friend of mine didn't come to my grandfathers funeral.  He told me he would.  It still hurts me that he didn't show up.  He lived in the same town.  He disappointed me. 

I keep trying to be the bigger person and let it go, but I can't.  He knows it too.  We don't need to talk about it.  But an apology sure would be nice.  But that's MY expectation on the friendship situation.  Not his.

Isn't that funny?  Or is it just me?  A simple apology is all I want.  I'll either get the apology one day, or it will fade into the background of our friendship.  I'm sure he thinks I owe him an apology for something else.

But tomorrow, I can't apologize to anyone for being the ex-girlfriend.  Or apologize for being the mom of the boys whom the teenage girl loves.  I can be kind - even if it is not returned. 

I can be the bigger person.

What makes me me

I read a quote yesterday and it really made me think:

"Seduce my mind, and you can have my body,

Find my soul and I'm yours forever."

Maybe it was reading this quote yesterday that made me realize something today.

I was on the water this morning with the Canoe Club.  I ended up with in a OC3  (6 seats and something that keeps us balanced - yes there is a name for it, don't remember what it is called).  I normally paddle with a group of 12 (two 6 seaters connected).  At first I felt a bit like the fat kid whom gets chosen last for kickball - I'm not very experienced and it takes a little more skill.

The people are nice, so I wasn't really worried, it was just a new thing.  As we get out the bay, there is a school of dolphins asleep.  They are just floating up and down.  It was beautiful.

Then on the way in, they were awake.  They were playing.  There was a baby.  There was a show-off.  He was jumping and spinning.  Then there was one on his back, flapping his tail at us.  They were making dolphin noises.   "Good morning to you too", I replied.  We stopped paddling.  We watched.

Denver, you will always have my heart, but Kona you have my soul.....

Repeat Business

The try-outs for Jr Lifeguards were a little different this year.  There was actually a limit on how many could get in the class.  They don't have as many instructors.

We go there early.  There was still quite a line. Turns out - the city (I think the city, it could be county) didn't allot enough money for the extra instructors, so they are short on instructors.  They limited the class to 25 kids - they signed up 30 (knowing some will drop off), and have 5 "Jr Lifeguard Leaders".  "Jr Lifeguard Leaders" - those whom have done the class before.

First thing - this class is TWENTY DOLLARS.  AND, they get a t-shirt at the end of the two weeks.  That being said - PLEASE, charge me $100 or even $50.  Then you could pay an extra lifeguard to teach this PRICELESS class.  I can guarantee you, I've never told anyone to charge me more for ANYTHING.  I'm telling you now.

They test a bunch of kids.  About 12 didn't make the first session.  We are about 2 kids from the table when they told us all the class was full.  Very sad, as we had two extra girls ready for the class too.

I had spoken to one of the instructors, and noticed an instructor from last year - Uncle Hoku.  I said "My son, Duncan was in the class last year, he wants to be one of your "leaders" this year."  Uncle Hoku, looks over at the other guard, and says "That's Duncan's mom - he can be one of our leaders".  And well, since he has a little brother, we will put him in the class too"  He looks at Lily and asks if this is his Little Sister, and as much as I wanted to say yes, I shook my head.  (I'm not sure why her dad is so grumpy, he's supposed to be happy - don't relationships make you happy???)

We are going to call her in the morning if there is an extra spot. 

So, we can write the mayor of Kona and tell them our opinion of this great program.  I know we are lucky.

The lifeguard didn't have extra paperwork, so we will fill it out in the morning.  He asked if I still minded paying.  Are you kidding?  No, I have NO problem paying.  I have no problem paying for them or a problem bringing the instructors lunch for the next two weeks!  What is it that you want me to pay????

I've wondered for years if it's best to go to the same place or try new places?  I'm beginning to think you try new places, then keep going there again and again and again......

Things you learn from teenagers

I'm learning bunches this trip.  Did you know?

• If your sheets are filled with dead skin and sand, you just need to shake them - they don't really need washing?
• It is possible to send/receive approximately 500 texts in less than 3 days - to one person?  (this one really makes no sense to me as texting is available year round, but seems to be much more popular when you are in the same town (or even the same car) as this person.)
• It's completely possible to forget to wear shoes, shirts, towels and anything else you left the house with.
• Coral pieces can work to play toss.  And adults aren't very good at toss (I was told maybe it was just me)
• It's possible to have 1400 "followers" on Instagram.  And if you didn't know what Instagram was, teenagers can have to set up in minutes (word of warning though, the median age of your "followers" will be about 14)
•  Shaved ice, a soda and a sandwich don't count as a meal or a snack.  I guess it's just something that holds you over until the next grazing.
• It's completely possible for you to remember the name of the dog (Sherrie) of the guy at the beach from last year.  
• That it is completely possible for some adults to age, yet still act less mature than the real teenagers.   Even the teenagers recognize it.
• And the highest compliment you could ever be paid is:  "We all want to go with you, we don't want to hang out with the adults".  At least I think that was a compliment.

Your Happy Place

Find your happy place.  Mine's on an island.  Although you've probably figured that out by now. 

I keep trying to make this place - well, normal.  Regular.  You know the place.  The place where you do laundry.  You run errands.  You run into old grumpy boyfriends. You take the kids to their practices.  You go to the grocery store.  You drop off recycling.  A place where you want to escape FROM.  Not TO.  Really, I try.

I keep trying to make this "life" - you know "just like at home".  Well, I'm succeeding at that part.  I joined the Canoe Club - I paddle on Tues, Thurs and Saturday mornings at 6:30am.  We have to leave the house at 6:10.  (Nolan's gone twice).  Thursday we swam with dolphins in the ocean while out there paddling. 

I work early in the mornings, I go paddle, I come home and work some more. The only time I do get annoyed?  When I have to work.  Well, I have to work.  I figured it out though, Gypsy Girl lives stifled and a bit hidden nine months out of the year - so PLEASE, career woman, could you just go away for a couple of months? 

Next week I will take some kids to Jr Life guarding - it's starts Monday.  Pick them up at noon and then, well, we will go to the beach.  Lunches have to be made.  Laundry done.

Pretty much sounds like my life on the mainland.  Hectic.  Busy.  Scheduled - the dreaded word.  Only here, well, it doesn't make me sad or stressed or well any of those things.  It makes me happy.  I guess this would be my happy place.

Please, everyone, go find your happy place.  You know - that stroll down the street - the one you love best - and go there.  The quilt shop, the hike, the place that helps you be well you.   Hang on to it for as long as you can.  But not long enough to be afraid that there isn't another happy place to discover.  Shhhh..... There might be more than one.

I'm envisioning a group of condos I'm going to own and manage one day.  I'm calling my company "Happy Place".  Come find it - it will be on VRBO.  While this might not be YOUR Happy Place.  It's mine.  Go find yours too.  Only don't get to hung up on the way you "think" your happy place should look.  Never in a million years, could I have created this in my mind.  It was larger than that.  I wasn't capable of thinking I could create THIS happy place.  I'm also sure I can't even imagine the vision of my "next" happy place.  I am just here to enjoy this one.


PS.  My imaginary dog's named Mango.

Flashback on Fantasy Island

At the end of last season - that would be the summer season - it felt a little bit like we had been living in soap opera.  Something antiquated, a bit like high school and lots of drama.

I decided a better name was really "Fantasy Island".  Everyone arrives on the island with a wish and a fantasy to play out.  Everyone gets a chance to live a bit different than normal lives and see the outcome.  Sometimes the outcome doesn't look like you think it would.  Other times it's a really bad decision.  Or maybe, just maybe, it turns out even better.

In the season premiere today, well, the same cast of characters have arrived on the island.  We are still missing a key actor, but he gets here Monday. 

The old boyfriend whom let the old girlfriend move in last season - well, they are still living together.  And quite honestly, they both don't look good.  She actually looks a bit thinner, but doesn't smile.  He has gained some weight and he's not smiling either.  So, if that is what happiness looks like - well, it's not my kind of happy.  We will let them have it.

We have two teenagers whom have been waiting a whole year to see each other.  This time, the awkwardness only lasted a few minutes, versus a few days last summer.  Although the girl was quite sad and nervous that her dad wasn't going to let us all see each other "the girlfriend got her feelings hurt last summer".  She figured out how to get us all at the beach today at the same time.  (that's my girl!).  All was good in the water.

As I watched the teenagers playing in the water.  As I played in the water and a bit of volleyball, I'm truly happy with my life.  Happy there is no drama.  Happy some teenagers can play.

I was also very happy at the end of the day when I was finally able to say hi to the dad. Just us. He said, "we will all get together.  I know she has really missed you."  Mahalo.

We've missed her too. 

Patience dear teenagers, all in deux time.......

Teenage Freedom

4th of July is my FAVORITE holiday.  It's a "No Guilt" holiday.  No presents to buy.  No dinners to attend.  It's all about enjoying our freedom.  Literally.  Our freedom as Americans.  Our freedom from family pressures.  Freedom to watch, observe and participate. Or the freedom to do none of the above and stay home.

I was prepared to write about the arrival of my summer daughter - she gets here tonight.  She's so excited.  So am I.  And I know a teenage boy who's pretty excited too.  But last year there was drama with the dad and his old girlfriend. Something I don't want to write about.  Drama I'm not participating in this year.  Any man whom wouldn't put his daughter's feelings first, over an old girlfriends, well, he's not the man for me.  While he might still make a really good friend, I don't have friends like that.  And freedom, for me, comes free.  For others it comes at a cost.

As the onslaught of summer teenagers are about to begin.  She arrives tonight.  Duncan on Monday.  Then I feel, I will have no freedom, but will be the camp director.  It's okay though, I chose to live this way.  I'm free.  (Plus, it really is bunches of fun!)


I've received approximately 20 texts in a span of 24 hours - plus a bunch of pictures, plus a bunch of e-mails from a very excited girl.  She posted the sweetest post ever on Instagram about Nolan to Nolan for his birthday.  I was told she actually is going to miss the house from last summer - we stayed next door.  Of course you are, I replied, there is no Ohana (guest house) for all you kids to have a sleep over.  (Momma is no fool).  At least she told me I was right.

So yesterday, I enjoyed my drama FREE day. My day of an incredible hike with my son to a memorial of Captain Cook.  Also, the memorial of a boy whom was swept out to sea last year on this very day at the very spot we were.  Paying homage to people whom risked it all for freedom.

Freedom of theirs.  Freedom of ours.

But today, we are going to go paddle.  Then go watch some turtles being set free (more on this story later), then a parade and fireworks.  A day of freedom.

Thankful we are all free to make our own choices even if we are no longer teenagers.