My life is bit misunderstood by the general population.
No, I don't have a "job". A place where you go work Monday thru Friday from 8am to 5pm. You live by your Blackberry/iPhone,etc. I work when I need to work. Yes, I push it too far. I wait until things are tight, then I work really, really hard to recover. I get a big paycheck, then I'm off to play again. Really, I should balance it out more. I do try. Wow. What would it be like to know there was a paycheck waiting for me every other Friday (or even twice a month). I try. I get part-time jobs helping start up companies get up and running, but truly I love the freedom and flexibility my life allows.
My oldest son actually said today: "Have you thought about a normal job now that we are older?" Only, a job I would take would require travel. And the boys are so close to being gone, I can't go away just yet.
So, then it would read, I don't have a "normal" job, so I can do everything I do for my sons. Yet, I still do things for myself. It's more of a "I don't HAVE to travel, I GET to travel". If I GET to create my own experience, then I'm okay with it.
I ask.
The question most people say in their head. They only don't say it aloud. For example, one of my recent dating stories (longer explanations coming later) - we had gone on several bike rides. Then I received a text telling me he had met someone else. Truthfully, I thought he would make a better friend than a romantic interest, but we were having some great bike rides. I thanked him for being honest with me. THEN??? I send the ONE more text. The one we all think, but don't act. I would still love to bike ride, because as we said, we make good friends. And now, I'm sure you have a friend you can set me up with. He replied of course. He won't set me up. That's okay. Or maybe he will. But, if I didn't ask, he wouldn't have. I had to nudge him along. Most people couldn't/wouldn't ask the one more question.
I'm okay with my misunderstood life. Because, sometimes, even for me, it gets even crazier.
Two weeks ago. On a Wednesday afternoon. I picked up Lily's mom at the airport in Denver. You know - Lily. My daughter during the summer. The man I fell for in Kona - his ex-wife. Yes, her.
Back story: The night after I arrived home from Kona I went to dinner with an old friend in town from California. I've known him for years. Close to ten years. Long story short - I texted Lily's mom from his phone and told them the two of them should meet.
The called each other. They texted. They had some fun.
He had to come back to Denver for work. He bought her a ticket to Denver - for the night. So we could all go to dinner together. She could stay with me. She could meet Duncan. She had met my Granny and Nolan.
I'm all for the adventure. I'm all for "sure, I'll go" "sure, I'll do". Name it. I'm there. I'm all about the experience.
I'm sitting at the cell phone parking lot at the airport. I'm waiting for her text. Even for me, this is a stretch. I'm waiting for my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife to text me, so she can spend the night with us. We can all go to dinner. All get to know each other.
I was shaking my head. Even for me.......
P.S. - The date crashed and burned.
I got to know Lily's mom (yes, I had met her before). As I told her, this must be what "open adoptions" are like - I get to know the Mother/Mom of my "daughter". She got to meet the "woman whom loves her daughter". She got to meet her daughters "brothers". It allowed me to appreciate another woman as a mother. Another woman as a friend.
The really funny thing, it made me miss Lily's dad. I could see how much she is like her daughter. (really, it's her daughter that is like her, but I knew Lily first). I could see why he fell for Lily's mom. I could remember the fun incredible guy I met one summer. Not the grumpy guy from last summer. It made us both sad. This story could have us being friends and me being Lily's other mom and the woman whom made Lily's dad happy. I guess that story was too much to ask. Even for me.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Relative
I just spent four days in Dallas, Texas.
It's hot there. It's humid. It's windy. The state is filled with very nice people. Very friendly. Good old fashioned hospitality.
My Granny broke her femur in July. This was the first opportunity to go see how she was doing. It's one thing to hear. It's another thing to see for yourself.
I was able to see my relatives. Something I had not been able to do all summer.
Now, I'm back home in Colorado. Home to highs in the 80's and lows in the 60's. Home to no humidity. Nice people and dry air.
Three weeks ago, I was very sad to arrive in Denver. Yesterday, I was very happy.
Next year, I know my cure to my Hawaii hangover. I'll go to Texas for a weekend, after being home for a couple weeks. Not that Texas is a bad place. It's just not my place. It's all relative.
(And I did start this post when I returned from Texas, the writing just wouldn't happen)
It's hot there. It's humid. It's windy. The state is filled with very nice people. Very friendly. Good old fashioned hospitality.
My Granny broke her femur in July. This was the first opportunity to go see how she was doing. It's one thing to hear. It's another thing to see for yourself.
I was able to see my relatives. Something I had not been able to do all summer.
Now, I'm back home in Colorado. Home to highs in the 80's and lows in the 60's. Home to no humidity. Nice people and dry air.
Three weeks ago, I was very sad to arrive in Denver. Yesterday, I was very happy.
Next year, I know my cure to my Hawaii hangover. I'll go to Texas for a weekend, after being home for a couple weeks. Not that Texas is a bad place. It's just not my place. It's all relative.
(And I did start this post when I returned from Texas, the writing just wouldn't happen)
Monday, August 19, 2013
Dating 101
Normally, I just end up dating someone. A friend of mine will introduce me. I will meet someone through some organization I'm involved with. Or I meet him out and about.
I'm on a mission this time. How does one date, if you don't meet them through the above means? How does one meet someone??? Give them my card at the grocery store? I might be thought of as a stalker.
I ask my friends. What do you do? For reasons unknown to me, I've managed to date plenty over the last 10 years of being single. Yes, but now I've made my mind up that it is time to date.
It's a numbers game. Like anything else in life. But what if we have too many choices today? Do we go out with a bunch of different guys to see or just a couple and keep going out with the one that is "the best" of the group. You know, the convenient one. The one you like. The one you have fun with, but isn't the one whom fills your soul.
Hmmmm. I'm not sure.
I think I'm going to need a list though. I always need a list. A list of things to do to meet people. A list of qualities I think I like or don't like.
So, of course, start a list:
My friends are actually very frightened. They all know when I make up mind, we are all in trouble....
Here we go......
I'm on a mission this time. How does one date, if you don't meet them through the above means? How does one meet someone??? Give them my card at the grocery store? I might be thought of as a stalker.
I ask my friends. What do you do? For reasons unknown to me, I've managed to date plenty over the last 10 years of being single. Yes, but now I've made my mind up that it is time to date.
It's a numbers game. Like anything else in life. But what if we have too many choices today? Do we go out with a bunch of different guys to see or just a couple and keep going out with the one that is "the best" of the group. You know, the convenient one. The one you like. The one you have fun with, but isn't the one whom fills your soul.
Hmmmm. I'm not sure.
I think I'm going to need a list though. I always need a list. A list of things to do to meet people. A list of qualities I think I like or don't like.
So, of course, start a list:
- Must like tomatoes
- Must own a bicycle
- Prefer someone whom doesn't have a job. Yes, I realize most people would like someone they are dating to have a job. I prefer those whom run companies, create companies or are retired. Or maybe a trustfunder if I'm going to date a younger guy.
- Volunteer at events I like as to meet like minded individuals.
- Attend social events
- Wine tasting classes
- It's pretty hypocritical of me, but I usually like guys whom don't have kids. Or kids whom are away from home already
- Maybe I'll run an ad on Craigslist - since it seems to be the place that has changed my life the most.
- Or maybe I'll answer that ad on Craigslist.
My friends are actually very frightened. They all know when I make up mind, we are all in trouble....
Here we go......
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Denver
Denver, Colorado is an incredible place. In fact, the entire "metro area" is pretty down right incredible.
There are bike paths through this entire city. By city, I mean, the entire metro-plex. I can ride from my house - well, to Red Rocks (stop and listen to a concert), then ride to Golden (for a beer - only go to "The second largest brewery in Golden"), from there to Boulder, CO (check out the football stadium on the CU campus) then ride the trail straight back to my house. Of course, that's A LOT of miles, but it can be incredible. What other city can you literally "ride your way around?"
Dining is incredible. Great restaurants. Wonderful food. Decent prices.
One of the biggest small towns you will ever visit. It's easy to get to meet the people in your circle. It's an easy place to be.
The temperature tonight, well, it's a 'non-temp" - it's not hot. It's not cold. It's not humid. It's not dry. Literally, there is no temperature. I thought about that thought for a moment - the lack of temperature. Wouldn't that be your body temp? But, it's not. I can't describe it. It's the lack of something, plus something more, equaling, well, an even temperature.
I've covered bikes, food, people and temperature. There is world-class skiing just an hour from my house. Okay, maybe an hour an a half. But, I can leave my house and be in Vail, on the slopes in less than two hours.
There is hiking. There is biking. There are numerous outdoor activities. There are also museums. World class shopping. In fact, the Cherry Creek Shopping District (in the middle of Denver) accounts as the #ONE tourist attraction in Denver. (this actually makes me kind of sad, but I digress).
What an incredible place.
Only today I realized I think I'm missing a part of this incredible place. I could be any place. I'm just missing someone to share all of this joy in this place. I think it's time to find someone to share this joy. As, I've always taken the opposite approach - "I'm pretty darn happy and if someone is going to come into my life, it's a wonderful addition."
But now, I've been missing something. Now, I think I'm going to start to date." You know, share all this joy of my life with someone else.
Knowing my personality, when I make up my mind to do something, well, I tend to do it. So, here we go Denver, I'm going to date.......
There are bike paths through this entire city. By city, I mean, the entire metro-plex. I can ride from my house - well, to Red Rocks (stop and listen to a concert), then ride to Golden (for a beer - only go to "The second largest brewery in Golden"), from there to Boulder, CO (check out the football stadium on the CU campus) then ride the trail straight back to my house. Of course, that's A LOT of miles, but it can be incredible. What other city can you literally "ride your way around?"
Dining is incredible. Great restaurants. Wonderful food. Decent prices.
One of the biggest small towns you will ever visit. It's easy to get to meet the people in your circle. It's an easy place to be.
The temperature tonight, well, it's a 'non-temp" - it's not hot. It's not cold. It's not humid. It's not dry. Literally, there is no temperature. I thought about that thought for a moment - the lack of temperature. Wouldn't that be your body temp? But, it's not. I can't describe it. It's the lack of something, plus something more, equaling, well, an even temperature.
I've covered bikes, food, people and temperature. There is world-class skiing just an hour from my house. Okay, maybe an hour an a half. But, I can leave my house and be in Vail, on the slopes in less than two hours.
There is hiking. There is biking. There are numerous outdoor activities. There are also museums. World class shopping. In fact, the Cherry Creek Shopping District (in the middle of Denver) accounts as the #ONE tourist attraction in Denver. (this actually makes me kind of sad, but I digress).
What an incredible place.
Only today I realized I think I'm missing a part of this incredible place. I could be any place. I'm just missing someone to share all of this joy in this place. I think it's time to find someone to share this joy. As, I've always taken the opposite approach - "I'm pretty darn happy and if someone is going to come into my life, it's a wonderful addition."
But now, I've been missing something. Now, I think I'm going to start to date." You know, share all this joy of my life with someone else.
Knowing my personality, when I make up my mind to do something, well, I tend to do it. So, here we go Denver, I'm going to date.......
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Annoyed
Recovery from anything can be traumatic. Of course, most of us cause us our own injuries.
When I started writing this, I was annoyed. Not angry. Not sad. Not depressed. Just annoyed. You are BUGGING me. You know that feeling? Like a two year old whom won't quit asking "why?". Like an older person you know telling you the same story for the MILLIONTH (yes, I KNOW IT"S NOT A WORD) time. Irritated.
There are times we get annoyed in life. Sometimes we are lucky and we can get whom or what is annoying us. They tell us the same story over and over. "They" keep telling us we are wrong.
Truth is, we know it. We know everything someone is telling us. You just don't need to KEEP telling us. Tell me once. I promise, I do hear it. I promise you, I will listen too. I will TRY to get better. That is all I'm asking of you. Just try to be nicer when you tell me. I will try to be less annoyed when I tell you.
One of the owners of the Hawaii house called today. We had run out of spa supplies (chlorine and shock treatment for the hot tub). I had ordered more. They still haven't received it. But instead of being nice, I think I sounded a little annoyed on the phone. I did receive an e-mail, I told him. I didn't have a chance to look at the e-mail, let me see.
Truly, though, I wasn't annoyed that he wanted to know when the chemicals would arrive. I was annoyed I wasn't there. He's living in MY house. On MY island.
I now have to go back to this real world. THEY get to live in mine. Okay, it's their house. The island belongs to America and anyone can live there. BUT, I'm here. And I"m pissed off.
Our story of the summer is beautiful. I shouldn't be upset. I'm just transforming back into my life. Much like the caterpillar whom is about to become the butterfly. Only, it's the end of the summer and I feel more like a butterfly being forced to changed back into the caterpillar.
I want to be the butterfly. Really, the dragonfly. I've always liked those better. Not as fragile as the butterfly.
I am sorry. (those words are always hard to say). I didn't mean to be short with you.
What I said: "I will check the e-mail. I will let you know."
What I wanted to say: "You hot tub supplies will get there. Just calm down. I'm annoyed and pissed off that I won't get to put them in the hot tub".
I know, you are just wanting to make sure everything does get there. You are so sweet and concerned that we aren't being ripped off. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm sorry I was annoyed Thank you for letting us enjoy your home.
I'm going to try saying that to myself a few more times. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to say it to you.
When I started writing this, I was annoyed. Not angry. Not sad. Not depressed. Just annoyed. You are BUGGING me. You know that feeling? Like a two year old whom won't quit asking "why?". Like an older person you know telling you the same story for the MILLIONTH (yes, I KNOW IT"S NOT A WORD) time. Irritated.
There are times we get annoyed in life. Sometimes we are lucky and we can get whom or what is annoying us. They tell us the same story over and over. "They" keep telling us we are wrong.
Truth is, we know it. We know everything someone is telling us. You just don't need to KEEP telling us. Tell me once. I promise, I do hear it. I promise you, I will listen too. I will TRY to get better. That is all I'm asking of you. Just try to be nicer when you tell me. I will try to be less annoyed when I tell you.
One of the owners of the Hawaii house called today. We had run out of spa supplies (chlorine and shock treatment for the hot tub). I had ordered more. They still haven't received it. But instead of being nice, I think I sounded a little annoyed on the phone. I did receive an e-mail, I told him. I didn't have a chance to look at the e-mail, let me see.
Truly, though, I wasn't annoyed that he wanted to know when the chemicals would arrive. I was annoyed I wasn't there. He's living in MY house. On MY island.
I now have to go back to this real world. THEY get to live in mine. Okay, it's their house. The island belongs to America and anyone can live there. BUT, I'm here. And I"m pissed off.
Our story of the summer is beautiful. I shouldn't be upset. I'm just transforming back into my life. Much like the caterpillar whom is about to become the butterfly. Only, it's the end of the summer and I feel more like a butterfly being forced to changed back into the caterpillar.
I want to be the butterfly. Really, the dragonfly. I've always liked those better. Not as fragile as the butterfly.
I am sorry. (those words are always hard to say). I didn't mean to be short with you.
What I said: "I will check the e-mail. I will let you know."
What I wanted to say: "You hot tub supplies will get there. Just calm down. I'm annoyed and pissed off that I won't get to put them in the hot tub".
I know, you are just wanting to make sure everything does get there. You are so sweet and concerned that we aren't being ripped off. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm sorry I was annoyed Thank you for letting us enjoy your home.
I'm going to try saying that to myself a few more times. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to say it to you.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Avocado
My dearest Avocado,
I truly love you. Love you in salads. Love guacamole. Love you straight on a plate with a little salt and perhaps a little olive oil.
But we must break up for a bit.
You see, now my clothes don't fit. I enjoyed you almost every day all summer long. Up until the end. Then I had to ignore you. In fact, I even threw a couple of you away. I just couldn't take it any more.
Now upon arriving home, there was some on my plate at dinner the other night. You tasted bad. Rubbery. Maybe you were just too green. Maybe you were one of those avocados from a Mexico greenhouse. You had no flavor.
For now, we are going on a break. Not to worry, I'm sure by next summer I will be in love with you again. I do tend to fall in love in the summer. Maybe my clothes will start to fit.
Please go feed the world.
I will still forever be loyal to you. I will miss you. I love our memories. I would just like to fit into my clothes.
Love you avocado.
See ya next summer.
I truly love you. Love you in salads. Love guacamole. Love you straight on a plate with a little salt and perhaps a little olive oil.
But we must break up for a bit.
You see, now my clothes don't fit. I enjoyed you almost every day all summer long. Up until the end. Then I had to ignore you. In fact, I even threw a couple of you away. I just couldn't take it any more.
Now upon arriving home, there was some on my plate at dinner the other night. You tasted bad. Rubbery. Maybe you were just too green. Maybe you were one of those avocados from a Mexico greenhouse. You had no flavor.
For now, we are going on a break. Not to worry, I'm sure by next summer I will be in love with you again. I do tend to fall in love in the summer. Maybe my clothes will start to fit.
Please go feed the world.
I will still forever be loyal to you. I will miss you. I love our memories. I would just like to fit into my clothes.
Love you avocado.
See ya next summer.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The third summer
The summer I turned 20, I was introduced to a guy whom my dad worked with his dad. We had a really fun summer. In fact, it was a great summer. I fell head over heels for the guy.
The summer ended. We went back to college. Life went on. There was no text messaging, snap chat or instantaneous correspondence. We would have had to write each other a letter. Or heaven forbid, make a phone call, actually talk to each other, but that would have been a long distance phone call.
You just go on. Happy for the memories. Happy for the fun. Back to the real world.
The second summer. It was a heart break summer. Well, after my 21st birthday anyway. Up until then it was pretty fun. But I do remember being completely heart broken for half of a summer.
The third summer. We didn't have a third summer together. I went off to Europe for school. He had run off and married another girl. He was all of 20 years old. I still remember hearing the news. It was heart-breaking.
Life goes on. We lose touch. I always wondered what it would have been like if we had the third summer together. Instead of resolving unanswered questions, it made us just wonder "what ever happened???" "Where did they go?" Going on with our lives, but in the back of our minds, wondering "what if". At least that was me.
When we did re-connect it was many years later. We were both divorced. I had two boys. He had a girl. He's probably one of my dearest friends. Romantically, we wouldn't have worked out. We would have figured that out the third summer. And then, we would have never reconnected. I wouldn't have wondered what happened to him. I would have known.
See, he's everything I tried so hard to get away from. He's a bit messy. He didn't want more out of life - he was given what he needed. He likes trashy women. Man, I still love him, but really we need to help his taste in women. He's an incredible friend. Very loyal. I would have known all this years ago. And my boys would have missed out on an Uncle whom they adore.
This year, I finally got my third summer. Only this time, it was another summer love. The first summer was filled with romance. The second with heartache and the third, well contentment on my part. I don't need to wonder "what if". I know the answer to that. He's neat, not sloppy. He pretends he likes quality, but his taste in conversation and how he treats his girlfriend, well, that's not quality. And, he's not the good friend he says he is. All that matters to him is "how long you've known him" - not the quality of the relationship.
So now, the nice thing is, that I don't have to spend the next 10 years wondering "what if". I'm sad that my sons won't have a male friend to admire, but it's a small price to pay for the quality of our life. We know we turn out okay.
And one day, I may get my third summer with my first summer romance, but it's okay if I don't, I know whom I really am and how it turns out. Never really wondering what would have happened that third summer.
The summer ended. We went back to college. Life went on. There was no text messaging, snap chat or instantaneous correspondence. We would have had to write each other a letter. Or heaven forbid, make a phone call, actually talk to each other, but that would have been a long distance phone call.
You just go on. Happy for the memories. Happy for the fun. Back to the real world.
The second summer. It was a heart break summer. Well, after my 21st birthday anyway. Up until then it was pretty fun. But I do remember being completely heart broken for half of a summer.
The third summer. We didn't have a third summer together. I went off to Europe for school. He had run off and married another girl. He was all of 20 years old. I still remember hearing the news. It was heart-breaking.
Life goes on. We lose touch. I always wondered what it would have been like if we had the third summer together. Instead of resolving unanswered questions, it made us just wonder "what ever happened???" "Where did they go?" Going on with our lives, but in the back of our minds, wondering "what if". At least that was me.
When we did re-connect it was many years later. We were both divorced. I had two boys. He had a girl. He's probably one of my dearest friends. Romantically, we wouldn't have worked out. We would have figured that out the third summer. And then, we would have never reconnected. I wouldn't have wondered what happened to him. I would have known.
See, he's everything I tried so hard to get away from. He's a bit messy. He didn't want more out of life - he was given what he needed. He likes trashy women. Man, I still love him, but really we need to help his taste in women. He's an incredible friend. Very loyal. I would have known all this years ago. And my boys would have missed out on an Uncle whom they adore.
This year, I finally got my third summer. Only this time, it was another summer love. The first summer was filled with romance. The second with heartache and the third, well contentment on my part. I don't need to wonder "what if". I know the answer to that. He's neat, not sloppy. He pretends he likes quality, but his taste in conversation and how he treats his girlfriend, well, that's not quality. And, he's not the good friend he says he is. All that matters to him is "how long you've known him" - not the quality of the relationship.
So now, the nice thing is, that I don't have to spend the next 10 years wondering "what if". I'm sad that my sons won't have a male friend to admire, but it's a small price to pay for the quality of our life. We know we turn out okay.
And one day, I may get my third summer with my first summer romance, but it's okay if I don't, I know whom I really am and how it turns out. Never really wondering what would have happened that third summer.
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