Saturday, November 3, 2012

Carolyn, I'm so sorry

We now know why you had to be friends with me.

You and I have known we were supposed to be friends from many, many years ago.  No, we didn't grow up down the street from each other.  Our parents weren't friends.  We didn't have friends of friends.

Honestly, it was the cliche that brought us together.  "We were sorority sisters"  We joined the same sorority.  Our sophomore years, not freshman.  Then, as we proclaim, "The day the Gods got together" and put us in the same room together at the house our junior year.

You go through "rush" (where you/they decide which "house" where you will belong) and they tell you OVER and OVER again:  "You will know these girls for the rest of your life".  Really?  Didn't believe it for a moment.

Me:  it's a great way to meet people and "belong".  We all want to belong.

Then, we were put in a room together.  There were two others girl there too - in the same room.  We both had the bottom bunks.  We both looked at each other like "okay, what do we do now?".  Want to go to The Chicken?  YES.  A friendship was born.

23 years, a couple trips through Europe, lots of guys, lots of men, lots o stories, a few marriages, a few kids.  We've known for years why we were given each other.

The Yin to my Yang.  Wait, I was the Yin to your Yang.

About 16 years ago, the boys dad and I were living in California (pre-boys).  I remember telling her "Oh, you can't see this rental house, it's so not okay".  Her answer  "I have to see it, I live vicariously through you".

Me:  NO, are you kidding??  I'm the one whom lives vicariously through YOU!"

You see, we are truly very different, but together, we make one.  As we have all learned in life, soul mates arrive in all shapes and sizes and places.  They arrive to teach you about YOU.  They help you become the better person.  I can't imagine my life without you.  You have helped me well, find me - but without YOU, there would be no ME, nor YOU.

This year on Halloween though, we again learned why we are friends.  We once again were shown why we had to know each other.

You see, I was given boys.  Carolyn was given a girl.  However, this "girl" was "NOT THE ONE I ORDERED".  Beautiful, great hair, charming and well, how do we say this "spirited".

She likes dolls.  She likes make-believe.  She likes all things girl.  (the daughter that is).

HOWEVER, she is part Aunt Leasa

She walks on the inside of her feet.  The doctor told Carolyn, "the best thing you can do, is let her run around barefoot - it will correct itself".  Carolyn says, "Her Aunt Leasa will like that".

Every year in March, they come to Colorado for her birthday trip.  A couple of years ago, as she is climbing on to the trampoline, while it is snowing, with no socks or shoes on.  She looks back at us and says, "I'm NEVER going back"  With only the full conviction a 4 year old could muster.

Then, Tuesday, it was Halloween.  For the first time in 15 years, I didn't have a kid in a costume.  Everyone tells us "you will miss these years".  Not me, I enjoy the times as they come.  Halloween though proved me wrong.  There were no costumes this year.  Two years ago when I ran the marathon, it was on Halloween.  Only there is no Halloween in Greece.  It was weird then too.

I miss my "heroes".  I miss my "Woody & Bulls Eye".

Hmmmmm, wonder what Marie is this year.  (BTW, I talk to Carolyn at least twice a week) I don't know why this hasn't come up?  Hmmm..

Then, true to Carolyn's form - I receive a text Halloween night with the picture.

Let's see:

She has been Dorothy, a princess, I think a bumblebee

This year:

Bethany Hamilton

The lead from Soul Surfer - professional surfer whom lost her arm to a shark bite.

She's dressed as Bethany, the professional surfer, with her board shirt and surf board.

It brought tears to my eyes.  Of course it did, it had to do with Hawaii.

I'm sorry Carolyn.  Maybe one of the boys wives/girlfriends will want to go shopping with you.  Or maybe, we might have to teach you to surf too.

Not that we didn't know, but now at least you know the wave you are going to ride with Marie.  Call me anytime - scratch that, you were there, you can handle this.

I'm sorry.  :-) Sorta.



Monday, October 29, 2012

Columnists of the Next Generation

NEVER, did I think I would be writing.  Or people would be reading what I write.  I hated English & Composition.  What??  Writing?  A few things I remember:

Don't end a sentence in a preposition because of.

I before E except after C, except for a few exceptions like WEIRD, but that's a weird word anyway.

An before a vowel, A before a constant.

Pretty much sums up my entire literary writings. On top of that - I didn't like it PLUS wasn't very good at it.

Once though, there was a foreshadowing event in my life.  I was in 12th grade.  I ended up in riding home from an event with the Assistant Band Director.  "So, Leasa, what are you going to do with your life?"  he said to me.  I was 17.  I had no idea.  NONE.  I'm going to be a teacher.  I'm going to get married.  You know all that stuff everyone tells us what we are supposed to do.  Did I say that to this man?

No

My answer:  I remember this as clear as today.  "I'm going to write a book".

Him:  What's the book going to be about?

Me:  No idea

Him:  SO, what if you write this great, incredible, wonderful book and you sell a million copies  (WAY before Internet days), that's it?  One book?

Me:  Yep.  Pretty much

Him:  What's if it's the best seller of all time????

Me:  Doesn't really matter.  I wrote my book.  I don't need to write another one.

This conversation was buried in the vault of "many conversations" never to be thought of again.  Although, I remember this one clear as day.  I even remember the smirky look over like "okay, you go with that".


Obviously, I remember this conversation.  25 years ago.

It's time.  I have the basis.  I have the characters.  AND, I have the following.....

WHICH, truly brings me to the subject of our conversation.......

It's okay that you read my blog.

I read other blogs too.  Although, I do know how you feel.  You feel - wait scratch that - I feel when I read a blog, I'm reading someones personal journal.  I feel guilty - I'm invading their personal space.

Only, we are putting it all out there for everyone to read.  We put our journal out to the world.  Yes, it's scary.  We try to not to write knowing those we know are reading it.  They might judge us.....

OR, they might admire us.  What I REALLY love - and you will all know whom you are, the ones whom would never tell me you read my blog.  Truthfully, there is no way to track whom reads any blogs - (or at least mine) - it's all by country.  I do have readers in Germany, South Africa, the US and Russia (figure those are the spam bots).  Yes, I'm sure the stats people know by IP addresses, but not to worry, it doesn't say:  so and so is reading your blog. 

Those that read my blog - I have no idea.  Except of course - my mom, my aunt and my cousin. Much like the columnists of years ago.  (I guess times haven't really changed)

What I do know.......  When you mention something that has happened in my life.  Then I take a moment and look at you in a peculiar way, thinking how do they know that?  Did I post it on Facebook??? Granted it takes me a bit.  When I do figure it out, I think: Oh yeah, they must have read my "column"......



*****************************************

A few of MY 'regular blogs' - as a disclaimer, I have no idea what anyone reads/read or their Sunday paper, but here are two of mine:

smithscooptexas.com    

(then from the above blog, I read Kate McRae) 

thebloggess.com

They are NOTHING like each other.  They are columnist.  I like their stories.

Thanks for liking mine.......  

Friday, October 26, 2012

Earnest

Granny:  How's Earnest doing?

Me:  Granny, his name is Everett.  He's doing well.

"Earnest is nice man"

Me:  Yes, Granny, EVERETT is a really nice man. 

This conversation went on for years.

Everett was one of my closest male friends.  I would even go to say he, for a period of time, was one my my closest of friends.  Period.  He was in the "inner circle". 

I loved him.  I love his children.  We vacationed together.  We skied together.  We met fun friends together.  It was everything a "relationship" was/is supposed to be.  ONLY, there was no chemistry. We were FRIENDS.  Only, male/female, but JUST FRIENDS.

On a camping trip years ago, I had his son and my two sons (he wasn't there), late at night, I was sitting around the campfire with one of his dearest male friends. 

Granted,  I'm a little slow some times.  I accept things at face value - I don't dream on.  Remember, this is an Independent Film.  However, here is this very successful male with two kids.  Here is a successful female with two kids.  It worked for us.  Truth be told, I have never kissed this man.  It would be like kissing my brother.  Our joke for years "I don't care what you say about kissing your sister/brother, I'm still not kissing you".

Back to the campfire.  "Earnest" is really high maintenance. I did love the man.  Only, I didn't LOVE him, like society thought I should.  Loved him in the way, that we worked well together, only, well, I was attracted to him in a safe big brother kind of way.  Not sure if he was never attracted to me. 

Once again, back to the campfire. 

Me:  "Robbo, are we the only two people that don't know we are in love with each other?"

Robbo  (his closest male friend):  yep........

He walked off.

Ok, game changes.

Only, I know I always loved this man.  Only, he's too controlling, too...... and on and on and on.  He remained my good friend for many years.  Then one day, a new girlfriend didn't understand, truly, he IS JUST MY FRIEND.

In the picture, he fits.  I fit into his picture. It all works perfect.  Only,  it doesn't matter HOW long you know someone, how much money they have, or where they live - if it DOESN'T FIT, well, it doesn't fit.

I wish it did.  He was a great dad.  (It's been years since we've hung out together).  He's financially, well, let's just just say, the his and her Porches' would not have been a problem.  Then one day, he quit calling....  Wait, "you are one of my dearest friends and you just STOP CALLING ME???"  Being the proud woman I am, well, let him go on...

We ran into each other and he can't even talk to me.  I don't have friends like this.  When you have me as a friend, you, well, have me forever.  I was friends with him for years - then he just went away.....

I asked Robbo about this one day.  After all, we are still friends.  "What did I do wrong???  Where did my friend Everett go??."  Usually, when I have friends, I have them for the rest of my life.

Pause  "I had nothing left to give". 

Robbo:  He knew that - he had to go get more

Me:  I don't have friends like that. 

Robbo:  The rest of us know that - that is why we all will be together forever.  He was put here to connect the rest of us.

Me:  Yes.

Me:  But, I don't have to miss you.  You will always be here for me.  He keeps going, trying to get more. 

Robbo:  Yeah, but he was supposed to connect the rest of us - and we all knew that from the beginning.  We just didn't know we knew it.  (BTW, I had two knee surgeries, I golfed with your son)  Debra and I can't wait to dance at the boys wedding.....

Me:  My boys know that. 

BOYS:   By the way,  Robbo and Everett know each other???

Me:  Everett was friends with Robbo & Debra, that's how we met them.

BOYS:  Really, Robbo and Debra are friends with Everett?????

Every once in a while, you get a tap on your shoulder.......  "Do you want to meet????"  Only, well, you add this person to your team....

I ran into Everett tonight.  He introduced me as the mom of "Our kids grew up together".  I immediately mentioned, "Oh, Granny, says hi".   I have to go.......




Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Part-time

I took a part-time job.

No, no longer delivering flowers (although I did this a few weeks ago).  I got a whole one dollar tip.  I hate running errands.  I really don't need to do this.  If I'm going to earn some extra money, I need to do something I like.  Not this ridiculous thought of running errands - I HATE running errands......   Remember, I did this already.  I owned a gift company.

I need to do something I've not ever really done before.  I need to be a place I've never been.  I need to work hard doing something that challenges me.

I just landed.

Right where I needed to be.

Of course I did.  Where else would I land???

My part-time job?  I'm an "Office Manager for an Internet Start Up Company".

Me:  Three days a week.  X amount of money

Him:  The position pays X - y.  Let me know if that works

Me:  You want me there.  I will take (X-y) and two days a week.  I want a piece of the pie when you sell.

Him:  Ok - so I will pay you at X - y.  And, we will put the paperwork for you to have some pie. ;-)

Me:  I will take it.  You aren't going to be able to live without me.

Him:  We know that.  Thank God we found you.

Me:  It's been two weeks. Just when I think I have it all under control, I learn something new.  And I'm finishing your thoughts.  BTW, I leave for Hawaii in Jan.  And I need a month off in July.

Him:  When you run off, we aren't going to be able to live without you.

Me: I know.

Him:  Smile.

Me:  I didn't say this out loud.  My first thought:  "Did you ever watch Ghostbusters".  I'm that girl.  The receptionist. If you haven't seen the movie in years.  You should.  The receptionist starts out very mild mannered.  In the end, she was one of them.

I was always afraid of the stereo type of "receptionist"  "office manager"  "Admin".  I was too proud.  Too proud to admit I wasn't everything I appear.  Too afraid to admit that I'm "just the receptionist" I've worked hard to not be "An Admin" - I'm the woman in charge". 

Then something changed.  Maybe spending two summers in Hawaii helped me find the girl living inside the woman. I'm over being in charge.  I don't care what you call me.  Well, as long as it isn't "B*tch"..... They aren't two separate people, they are one and rolled into one...... we should all be afraid.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Where the ocean meets the land

There is a song out right now with the lines 


                       Someone said they might have seen you where the ocean meets the land
                       So I've been out here all night lookin' for your footprints in the sand
                       Did you hear the ocean singing, baby did you sing along
                       While you danced out in the water to some ol' forgotten song,

I think I've lost another one to the water.

Nolan, my youngest son, just arrived home from SeaCamp in San Diego. All the parents were at the escalators waiting for our kids off the airport train.  It was fun.  All the parents waiting to hear the stories of the week.  There was a blog that kept us updated, but nothing like the real stories.  Three of us moms rode together to pick up our boys.  The ride home is so much better when you have several of them in the car - they tell stories to each other, forgetting the moms are in the car.

The general consensus:  They will be so glad to be home.

Me:  Not my son.  He's going to want to pack his bag and head back.  I would bet you on this one.

Here he comes.  Sunglasses still on.  Hat on backwards - wavy blonde hair escaping from the cap. Shorts, flip flops and a SeaCamp sweatshirt.  A tinge of sunburn on his nose.  "The water is SO much better than the mountains".   "Sam and I thought we should hitch a ride and go to LA.  I'm going there after college.  Heck, I may go there to college".   I really should bet on this child.......

I want my sons to realize they live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  We have perfect weather - we get all four seasons.  We have the snow.  We have the dessert.   We have SUNSHINE.  LOTS OF SUNSHINE.

The only thing we are missing?  The water.

I want them to realize what they have.  I want them to realize there is a WHOLE BIG WORLD out there.  BUT,  Be present.  Be and live where you are.  Don't spend your whole life wishing you were some place you aren't.  Being someone you aren't.  But go TRY.  Pack up your stuff, and go experience it all.  OR DON'T.  Just don't spend your time here wishing you were there.

In 8th grade, one of my best friends name was Mark.  Mark and I were going to go to UCLA.  We were going to have matching white Mercedes convertibles.  My license plate:  "Buffy"  His "Bif".  We never made it.  Our dreams were big - we just didn't know how to get there.

I've been to the UCLA campus.  I still think of Mark when I think of UCLA.  Mark and I lost touch years ago, but I am friends with his older brother on Facebook.  I still think I want the Mercedes convertible. (only it will probably be an Audi with a retractable roof - still white though)

The first time I was on the campus - I wanted to send Mark a picture and the quote "I made it".   My license plate will no longer be "Buffy", it will be "NVRLKNBK" (let me know when you figure it out)

One thing I've realized about dreams.  They all come true.  Sometimes just later than you wanted.  They change a bit - the premise is still there. AND, you don't have to stay.  You can check it off the list. Then go on.

Now though, I believe, I could make it. If I really want it. I also know my sons can make it, if that's their dream. 

"When you are ready to run away to the ocean, don't every worry.  I'll take you"  said me to Nolan.

I don't have to stay with you.  Chances are though, I'll be living down the street.  You can find my footprints in the sand.....




I write better in Hawaii

My mom didn't believe me.

Neither did anyone else.

"I love what you write."   I've been hearing it more.  This blog started two summers ago as a journal for the next "adventure" of my life.  That's all.  Just stories of our House Swap.  Then I discovered there was a write living inside of me.  She needed to come out.  Then I come home to the mainland.

Then my mom agrees.  Granted,  no loves you more than your mom.  Some point in time, she agrees, you do write better in Kona.  My cousin writes me: " When are you going back to Hawaii? I miss your blogs".  A local friend I didn't know read my blogs:  "You need to go to Kona, your musings from Kona are great"

Are they great because I'm at my happiest there?  or are they great, because YOU can live there with me.  I'm just writing well enough for you to imagine it there not here.  YOU get to escape with me. 

Happiness moment:


On the beach this summer.

Me:  Reading a book I bought at the recycling center in Holuloaloa.  $ . 50 a book.

It was a book signed by the author.  It was simple.  It was beautiful.  It was a beach book, I paid fifty cents for, signed by the author and I was sitting on the beach reading it.  It was a perfect moment in time.

I just finished the book while sitting at the beach.  It was  happy book.   A lady on the beach walks by:

LOB:  You represent what it means to read a book on the beach

Me:  Really?

LOB:  You should see your face.  You are smiling from ear to ear.

Me:  I got this book at the recycling center for $.50.  It's a signed book.  It was a simply happy book

LOB:  Thank you for letting me share your joy. 

Me:  Mahalo

We should all be so lucky. 

Yes, I had just read the book.  Yes, I was smiling.  What I was really smiling about???  (Yes the book did make me smile).  The last page.  You know, the page they tell you about the author.

The author:

She left her corporate job and lives on the Big Island.   She writes books.  She lived happily ever after...

I'm still smiling..


Sunday, October 14, 2012

A different perspective

       This post is being written by a different person, my moms youngest and favorite child, Nolan. My mom is, well, a nut.
        For example, she does hula hooping I mean come on; one of my friends saw her on the news for hula hooping and all I could do was shake my head. He doesn't understand, I have to live with  - she's always like this.  She even goes to classes for it and actually thinks its exercise. She also carried one to the beach every day, and expected people to join her.
        Next, her friends are crazy too, one of them walks around with a clown nose on, and has a dog named Walter. That's not normal. Her friend even brought me a clown nose thinking I would join their little clan. One New Years Eve, two of her friends were over and started "partying a little to hard".  One of them found a sushi making kit with a Japanese bandanna in it and he ran around the house screaming SUSHI!!!
         Then every time something about Hawaii comes up she completely loses it. She starts crying and wishes she was there. When the Kona Iron Man was on she had it streaming for over 8 straight hours, COME ON.  Also, all she can talk about is moving there when we are in college.
        Another story:  my mom is the biggest dork ever. One time when we drove our car on a ferrie in Texas to take us to the other side, she and my crazy Aunt Carolyn were talking about how this was so much fun as a kid, so she got out and started taking pictures, but the ride was only about 2 minutes long.  Also, if I go somewhere without her she talks for 1 million hours about how much she's going to miss me.
          My chance at a normal childhood has completely gone out the door.  I am not saying that is a bad thing necessarily, but with Moab, and Salt Lake City I've just stopped trying.  While all this stuff  might be true,  I wouldn't have her any other way.       Well, maybe just a little different.
                          
Thanks for everything mom.